About a month ago I was falling asleep in my dorm room and got a very odd text. I was told by a friend of mine that my boyfriend had cheated on me… It came as a total shock and I needed answers right away. I did not get any of the right answers and we ended up having a very ugly breakup. I cried for days, skipped classes, and just laid in bed. But I survived, and am smiling and thriving once again.
For all of you who have been cheated on you can understand the gut-wrenching feeling, the pain you feel every time you breathe. You really feel broken on such a level you cannot describe it. But like me, you can survive this heartbreak too.
Although you feel like your entire life is falling apart there are very important things to do when going through finding out you’ve been cheated on. Get all of the information from all parties involved then, follow your gut when it comes to what you want to do. Meaning does not immediately end things with your boyfriend or girlfriend. You want to have all the facts and solid evidence before bringing the information to them. Once you feel you have enough information about what happened you can bring the accusation to your significant other. The key here is to remain calm and not attack them, I know that will be hard, but if you start attacking they’ll become defensive and you will get nowhere. Once you hear what they have to say regarding what you’ve brought to them do not make an instant decision. Make sure you really sit and think; it also helps to talk it through with people you know won’t have a biased opinion on the matter. And don’t feel like you can’t cry… cry all you want— you just found out you were cheated on! If you really need to, take a day off from school. However, sometimes it’s a nice distraction from thinking about what you are going through.
Once you know what you want to do, in my case I broke up with my boyfriend, you have to figure out how to do it and what to say. In my case, I talked through what I wanted to say with my parents because they are wise. I also decided to do it over the phone, which may seem harsh, but I saw an aggressive side of him and was nervous about doing it in person.
For those of you who decide to stay in the relationship don’t be ashamed of doing that. I know someone who was cheated on and she and her boyfriend has been going strong for three years. So, like I said if you are able to move past it, go ahead and do it.
For me, once I ended things with my boyfriend I needed a total detox because any mention of him made me want to cry. So I blocked him from texting and all social media platforms because he tried reaching out to me to basically tell me I wouldn’t be able to find anyone better than him. But like me, you deserve better and will find better than the person who cheated on you. For me personally, I am now taking a good break from dating and plan to just enjoy being twenty. It’s a smart idea to just take a step back from the whole dating scene until you are truly ready. I know for me since my ex and I dated for more than six months, he still lingers in the back of my mind. So how is it fair for me to be with someone else when he still haunts my brain? It’s not. It isn’t fair to another person who is interested in you if you are still thinking about your ex. It takes time to heal, so give yourself however much time you need.
You will survive this, and just do whatever you have to do to heal. Surround yourself with friends, really focus on schoolwork, go out and have fun, or just take a mental health break for a day or two. Do whatever you need to do; everyone heals differently, but trust me, the time will come where you won’t be thinking about your ex.
Getting cheated on hurts like no other life experience. A broken heart feels just like having broken ribs: No one can see it, but it hurts every time you breathe. But time heals all wounds; even a broken heart, believe it or not. So allow yourself to take this time to heal and surround yourself with whatever support system you need. You are not alone in this because so many people, sadly, have gone through this experience. Being single is so much better than being lied to, cheated on, and disrespected so don’t be afraid to move on because you don’t know life without that other person. Believe me, life will be strange but over time it will be a brighter world to live in.