As a part of Montclair State University’s Health Promotion, I have joined quite a few efforts to help make the campus an all around healthier place. When given the opportunity to run a fashion show, I absolutely had to – I’m a fashion major, after all! Little did I know that running the show would change my relationship with body positivity, and with myself.
The fashion show hadn’t happened in a few years as the student body had become complacent to its regular occurrence so I decided in a staff meeting to bring it back during our huge body positivity week. It was simple at first – order refreshments, organize the models, and google a few statistics. The models get to wear whatever makes them feel most confident to promote body positivity, so there’s no clothing to organize. Should be simple enough with an entire team of staff and volunteers behind me, right? Yet, I found myself stressed and running around to meet deadline after deadline, communicate with this or that person and notify this or that department. I started to grow more and more frustrated, and as a result – I began to mentally beat myself up.
What kind of person can’t handle a fashion show where the models wear whatever they want?
With every ounce of frustration, my negative self-talk grew louder and louder until it was deafening. The eating disorder statistics I researched only served to make me heart-broken on top of an array of other disappointing emotions. According to ANAD.org, at least 30 million people, regardless of gender, suffer from some form of eating disorder in the United States. Eating disorders also have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness, according to the same website.
How were my lack of ability and a fashion show supposed to make any sort of difference?
The day of the fashion show I was drained in more ways than one. Still, I dug deep within myself and found the energy to do my makeup the way that made me feel confident and put on my favorite dress. I expected little of the day, and even less of myself. The second my foot hit the pavement outside my building, I was showered with compliments. Friends and strangers alike told me they liked my makeup, my dress, my hair. It was as if the universe heard the sadness of my heart and sent angels in disguise to brighten my day. Or maybe my concealer just worked really well. Regardless, my mood began to slowly but surely improve.
By the time it was time to start, I was nervous but excited. I questioned why I was so hard on myself – I had run fashion shows before and could run them again! If only 3 people came, so what? That’s 3 people whose lives I’ve positively influenced. I peeked out of the door and to my delight, people were lined up outside – body positivity must mean something to people to create a line!
Did as many people as I wanted to show up? No. But for every person that grabbed my hand and looked me in the eyes to tell me this show meant a lot to them, it was worth it, 100 times over. Model after model surrounded me to let me know that they not only supported the cause of body positivity, but that this show helped them feel confident. If these individuals could come to an event like this and embrace who they truly were, why on earth couldn’t I?
And so on that very day, armed with great determination, I chose to actively and completely love myself, because I deserve it.
And so do you.
*Images courtesy of Ciarra McLean