Every relationship has its ups and downs, but there should be a certain point where enough is enough. Unfortunately, many people don’t realize alarming behaviors or red flags. The five red flags to look for in a relationship in this article are from a Youtube video called, “Relationship Red Flags- When to RUN” posted by Amanda Sette, speaking from her personal experience.
The first red flag to be aware of is extreme jealousy. When a significant other gets jealous when you want to hang out with your friends, have some alone or do anything without them is a red flag. If they feel the need to be with you all the time then that demonstrates controlling and manipulative behavior. For example, if you want to have a night out with your friends but your significant other says no and assumes you’re going to cheat on them is toxic and alarming. This kind of behavior can lead your partner to try and isolate you from your friends and family. Both partners should be allowed to have alone time whenever they please without the other feeling jealous or angry. It is normal and important to have some time away from your partner. It is unfair for the significant other to get jealous because it takes away your independence and will eventually make you feel you need them to do anything.
The second red flag is when your partner tries to control you. If you’re significant other tries to tell you what you can and can’t wear, what you can post on social, etc. it’s controlling. This is a red flag because your partner shouldn’t be in charge of your life whatsoever. Both partners should be allowed to express themselves on social media and in public however they choose to. You are your own person in a relationship. The significant other should not give you rules for what you are allowed to wear and do. For example, if you need your partner’s permission to post a picture of yourself on Instagram, then your partner should reevaluate themselves and change their mindset. If your partner claims it isn’t necessary to post a picture of yourself because they can give you all of the attention you need, then that is unhealthy, obsessive behavior. You should be able to post or do whatever you want because it is your life and no one is in charge of that.
The third red flag to look out for is if your partner always assumes the worst of you. When a significant other assumes you are lying or cheating on them without any cause, that is a major red flag. For example, if you do not text back your partner as fast as they would like you to so they accuse you of sneaking around, that’s unfair to you and can damage your emotional well-being. If you tell your partner you’re going to the store but end up running errands, then that is completely okay because you don’t have to tell your partner what you are doing 24/7. Your partner doesn’t have the right to automatically assume you’re lying or hiding something if you haven’t given them a reason to. This behavior isn’t your responsibility to fix. This red flag is something that they need to heal from and work on themselves.
The fourth red flag is when your significant other doesn’t allow privacy. When your partner demands your phone and social media passwords, that’s alarming, controlling behavior. This should be taken as a warning because they are stripping you away from your privacy. However, there is a fine line between your partner asking politely to check your phone and you agree because you trust them and them taking it without your permission. There is a difference between asking your partner, “Hey, I saw a weird, unknown number, who was that?” compared to “Give me your phone. Let me read your text messages. Who was that person who liked your Instagram photo?” If they notice you changed your password and bombard you with questions, then they need to change their toxic mentality. You are allowed to have privacy, secrets and personal things in a relationship. If you did nothing wrong and aren’t hiding anything, your partner should not feel the need to check your phone. Each partner is entitled to privacy.
The fifth red flag is if you can’t express what makes you upset. If your partner can’t handle being told they’re wrong, that’s unhealthy. Both partners should be able to communicate and express what’s bothering them. If your significant other makes you feel you’re not allowed to criticize their behavior when they hurt you, because it feels like you’re “attacking” them, then that’s completely unfair to you and your feelings. You have the right to tell your partner they hurt you or said something you didn’t like. This can lead to a lack of communication since the other partner is afraid to express how they’re feeling. Another example is if your partner brings up a time when you hurt them while you’re trying to explain what made you upset. Yes, both are partners are allowed to say what hurt them, but on their own time. This is toxic because they are invalidating your pain by claiming to be the bigger victim. This behavior can come from their past if they have been hurt before or if they are deeply insecure. It’s not appropriate for your partner to turn the entire problem on you when you simply wanted to address what was wrong. No one is perfect, but a healthy relationship consists of voicing your concerns to one another so both partners can fix where they went wrong.
These five red flags in a relationship are very important to look out for. Everyone deserves to be in a healthy relationship, but in order to do so be aware of toxic behaviors. Check yourself first and make sure you have healed from your past so you are not toxic toward your future partner.