We all know the difference between how good and bad friendships make us feel. A good friendship will provide us with love and loyalty. Though there may be some disagreements, they will never make us feel like we are too much for them or that they don’t want to spend time with us.
A bad friendship may be hard to spot at first, considering a person doesn’t show their true colors until three months after knowing each other. If you feel like you’re in a toxic friendship or are unsure what your friendship is like, here are some signs your friendship is causing more harm than good:
- There’s ALWAYS drama.
Most people know that one person who always has new drama happening in their life. Whether it’s relationship issues, personal problems, family/friend issues, etc., it can be hard to try and listen to someone that has drama in their life constantly. Being friends with a person like this can be draining and kind of annoying when you have to listen to them complain everyday. Everyone has some drama happen in their life periodically, but most people don’t have something new happening everyday. If you’re friends with someone who constantly has drama in their life, it might be time to reconsider that friendship.
- Everything needs to be about them.
This sign kind of goes hand-in-hand with the first. People who always have drama in their life will, most of the time, need everything to be about them also. By sharing their life stories and drama, they’re trying to make sure everyone is focused on them and what’s happening in their life. If your friend always cuts you off or includes themselves in a story/event you may be sharing, this sign may apply to them. Having a friend that needs every situation to be about them is toxic and not someone you should be spending your time with.
- They’re flaky.
Everyone knows how annoying it is when someone cancels plans. This feeling is even worse when it’s a friend and they do it every time. When a friend is constantly making plans and then canceling on you, they obviously do not respect you or your time enough. A good friend will make sure they’re attending the plans they made with you, but if they need to cancel, only do it here-and-there. If you have a friend that is constantly flaking on you and you’re upset about it, you should try and have a conversation with them. If that doesn’t work, let them know you don’t want to be friends with someone who wastes your time and doesn’t respect you enough.
- They’re trying to change you.
You might look at this sign and think it’s completely unreasonable and that friends don’t try to change each other, but you’re completely wrong. There are people out there that will try to change their friends, and most people who do this will do it so they’re more alike. Whether it’s physical like clothing and hair or mental like personality, someone trying to change you is not a true friend. If someone feels the need to turn you into someone you’re not, they’re not a good friend and don’t have your best interest in mind.
- They always get you in trouble.
I used to think that troublemaker friends would try to make you commit arson or graffiti buildings, but a friend could get you in trouble in so many ways. In high school, I had a friend that would always suggest I lie to my parents about what we were doing, and most of the time, I did. Not only would the lying constantly get me in trouble, but when I was friends with her, I caught on to the same attitude she had, and that also got me in a lot of trouble. Even though she wasn’t getting me arrested, her impact led me to get yelled at one too many times for my liking. If a friend is constantly getting you in trouble, then it might be time to let them go.
- You feel uncomfortable/awkward around them.
Most of the time when you meet someone new, you’ll feel awkward or uncomfortable, and that’s totally okay. For those of you like me, who are introverted and have a slight amount of social anxiety, this feeling might take a little longer to die down. However, if you’re hanging out with your friend everyday and have known them for a while, you should not be feeling uncomfortable around them. Feeling this way could also mean you feel you can’t be yourself around them, which also is not a good sign of friendship. If you feel this way, it could be your mind or body telling you the vibes you have together aren’t right or beneficial to you.
- If they gossip 24/7.
People who gossip all of the time are not only mentally draining, but personally, I always just find them annoying. Being around someone who gossips all the time can have an impact on the way you act and just your mental health as a whole. One piece of advice that sticks with me is to not be friends with someone who is always gossiping because if they’re able to gossip that much about someone to you, who knows what they’re saying about you. This piece of advice can help keep those gossipy friends away from you.
- They have a bad attitude.
Having a bad attitude can mean so many different things. If they complain all the time, have a rude attitude or are always throwing nasty comments your way, these are all signs they don’t have the greatest attitude. Spending your time with someone with a bad attitude can affect the way you think and live your life and can even spread and give you the same bad attitude. A friend that has a bad attitude is a red flag also because they should try to empower you and lift you up, not constantly bring you down.
These are only a few signs a friendship isn’t right for you. At the end of the day, if you don’t feel like a friend is right for you, you have the ability to cut them off. You don’t need a specific reason or event that happened to cut off a friend. If you feel like they’re negatively affecting your life, there’s no need to keep them around. A good friend will always be there for you, try to lift you up when you’re down, and overall, always have your best interest at heart.