In less than a month, I will be turning 21. As exciting as it is to be an adult and to be able to finally drink, it has also been such a hard pill to swallow. My life, quite honestly, feels as though it is flashing before my eyes.
Throughout the past two weeks, I have been thinking about all the things I want to take into this new year with me. I have thought about all the advice I had been given, what I have learned over the years and what serves me/what I need to eliminate in life.
I have decided to compile a list of the 21 things I have learned before turning 21, and share some tips/advice that you might find helpful or have never thought about previously. I’m hoping this list will help you on the path to the person you hope to become.
Not everyone is going to like you
I think this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to hear growing up. I wouldn’t say that I’m a people pleaser, but I definitely do not like it when people don’t like me. Not everyone will like you and it’s okay, what matters is that you can rely on the people you do surround yourself with.
Your thoughts create your reality, so be more cautious with your thoughts
If you constantly think negatively, negativity will manifest into reality. If you change your thoughts to be more positive, all the good will come to you tenfold.
Sometimes it’s better to forgive in silence than to seek closure
It’s so much harder to get over someone or a situation if you get reminded of all the pain it has caused you. Sometimes letting go, even without gaining closure, is the best way to get over something. Sometimes holding on causes more pain than letting go.
You should never have any regrets
Everything you do is done for a reason. Whether it is good or bad, it’s a learning lesson that will help you grow into the person you’re supposed to become.
If you want something done right, most of the time it’s better to do it yourself
Sometimes it’s nice to depend on people, but if you don’t clarify what you want or need to that person, it might not be done how you want it. To have something done the way you like/want it, you might want to consider doing it yourself. You won’t ever half-ass something you do for you.
The things you are stressed about now will not matter in five years
It’s so easy to be consumed by our everyday matters, especially the ones that have us in a time crunch. But if we look back at all the things we were stressed about a year ago, we’d wonder why we even stressed about it in the first place. That being said, things that you might be stressing about now will not matter, whether it be in a year, five years, etc.
Never feel pressured to do something that you truly do not want to do
No one can tell you what you can and can’t do, so if you really don’t want to do something, don’t do it because others are. More often than not, you will not feel good afterwards. Think before you do something, and make sure you REALLY want to do it.
Never let anyone make you feel bad about being who you are
People have no right to make you feel bad for being who you are. I was always told I was too “sensitive” because I have always been empathetic and in tune with my emotions. As I got older, I realized that it is such a good quality to possess because a lot of people aren’t able to do so.
Before you can love someone else, you have to love yourself
For you to fully be able to love someone, you have to love yourself and all the things that make you who you are. If not, you’re going to project most, if not all, of your insecurities/issues onto your partner.
People really can change if they want to
I have always heard the saying “No matter how hard you try, some people never change” and it’s true. But, if you really dedicate time and effort to become better, you 100% will. Although I am proud of the person I have become, I am still evolving everyday.
Get into the habit of living life beyond a screen
The world moves so fast. If you spend most of your time behind a screen, you’re going to miss out on all the amazing things life has to offer. Every day, try to be on your phone/electronic devices less and less and just enjoy what and who is in front of you.
If you love or care about someone, always tell them
Life is short. If you really love or care about someone, don’t wait to tell them. Tell them as soon as possible. Say “I love you” as many times as you need to in one day. You might not always get the opportunity to do it the next day.
It’s okay to give to others, but don’t forget yourself in the process
I am the type of person to constantly give and give, even if I have nothing else to give. I always push myself aside for others, and sometimes it takes a toll on me. I have learned an even balance of giving and setting boundaries to also take care of myself, and to make myself my main priority.
A bad day does not equate to having a bad life
When we have a bad day, it’s so easy for us to think that everything else in our life sucks, too. We all have bad days, and from those bad days, we can learn a thing or two.
Don’t ever be afraid to speak up for yourself
You are always going to be your biggest advocate, no matter how many people love you, care about you and are there for you. Sometimes we have battles that other people can’t fight for us, and we need to be able to stand our ground.
If it no longer serves you, don’t be afraid to let it go
There is nothing worse than staying in something that no longer makes you happy. Whether it be a job, relationship, house, etc, mental health is the most important thing to value. Make sure you prioritize yourself and your happiness. If you let things go, the things that are meant for you will slowly start coming in.
The smaller the circle, the better
You don’t need a lot of friends to be happy, you only need a select few who you can trust. The less drama you have, the happier you’ll be.
Don’t allow your impulses to control you
Being impulsive is fun, and it can sometimes lead to good outcomes. But too much of anything is bad for you, and if you continue making choices without any thought put into them, it can lead to things that could’ve been easily avoided.
You are the only version of you out there, so appreciate every part of you
You are one of a kind. There is no one in this world who has the exact same face, qualities and DNA structure that you have. Don’t feel like you are not good enough because you don’t have things that other people do. You are you, and that is always enough.
Stop being scared of the “what if’s” and start actually living
If you continue life thinking about what could happen instead of actually living it, you’re going to find yourself wishing you would’ve taken a chance more often than not. Get past what your mind is telling you could happen and take a risk.
Your journey is just beginning, never belittle yourself for not being where everyone else is
Everyone’s journey is different and is based on who we are, who we surround ourselves with, where we are, among other things. Your chapter two can be someone else’s chapter twelve, and that is okay. We get to where we need to be at different times, so it is best to be proud of yourself for every moment instead of wishing your life was different. After all, it’s about the journey and not the destination. The journey will mold you into the person you are meant to be.