Constance: “I think the hardest part of being a woman is having women friends.”
Finn: “I think the hardest part of being a woman is not being able to just be friends with a man.”– How to Make an American Quilt
Life is full of inevitable challenges and hardships that we must face and endure. These struggles indeed vary on a person-to-person basis, but many of them vary on a gendered basis as well. What sorts of struggles are gendered? Although we live in a society that privileges masculinity, there are many struggles and disadvantages that are gendered male. For example, although there are more women in the military than ever before, war and combat related PTSD are typically gendered male conflicts. Men face many social pressures to live up to society’s definition of masculinity. This is seen in efforts to fit a physical, financial, “tough guy” ideal. While male gendered hardships and struggles are not to be ignored, women’s gendered struggles still greatly outnumber those faced by men. Hardships that are gendered can be better understood by looking at the ways in which gender intersects with more personally unique factors.
Social structures are often to blame as the cause of disadvantages faced by women. The results of these highly problematic structures can be found in personal experiences and narratives. Ask yourself what sort of gendered struggles you face as a woman. What are the causes of these hardships, and why are they gendered? For you, what is the hardest part of being a woman?
It is amazing how much the answer to this question varies depending on individual factors. When I asked several mothers what the hardest part of being a woman was for them, I received similar answers. “Mother” is typically associated with nurturing, caring, providing, and supportive qualities. These traits describe my own mother, and the sum of them together is what I love so much about her. What I fail to realize is how hard it is for her to live up to these demanding expectations. My cousin, who is a young single mother, said that the hardest part about being a woman is constantly attending to the well-being of others before your own. I cannot fail to say that there are millions of hardworking fathers who play a nurturing and supportive role in their families. However, nurturing, reproductive work is typically a role gendered female. For many mothers, the rewarding but exhausting role of care-taking triumphs other gendered struggles as the most challenging. If this role seems to fit your mother or another parent or guardian in your life, think about taking some time to acknowledge the demands of this role and the appreciation it deserves.
I asked more young women what they believed was the hardest part about being female. My sister, a recent college graduate and new mother, said that the double standards women often face are the most difficult aspects of womanhood. Jessica Valenti’s book “He’s a Stud, She’s a Slut,” can account for 50 of these common double standards including “men get angry, women get PMS,” and “he’s the boss, she’s the bitch.” Valenti’s book addresses these issues and, more importantly, tells the reader what to do about them.
My roommate said the hardest part is the pressure to maintain a certain appearance, and I’m sure many women would agree. Undoubtedly, men are criticized for their appearance and expected to fit certain ideals, but not nearly to the same degree as women. Women are repeatedly judged on the basis of weight, body type, clothing style, hair length, and makeup application. As this culturally “ideal” is nearly impossible to achieve without fault, it is no wonder why so many women lack confidence and self esteem.
Understanding gendered battles can bring about the empowerment to change them. When you ask yourself what the hardest part about being a woman is for you, take into account the surrounding issues and acknowledge that there is nothing inherently natural about such struggles. When you notice a woman being held to a double standard, speak up. When you hear an unfair criticism regarding a woman’s appearance, call the person out on it. The first female United States Secretary of State, Madeleine Albright, is quoted as saying “There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women.” So stand up for other women, and stand up for yourself!