“We do not need to change our bodies; we need to change the rules.”
Naomi Wolf, author of the national bestselling book The Beauty Myth, is a woman who is not afraid to make bold statements that go against gendered expectations. What if all women could honestly say they felt this way? If you’re a woman, chances are you would like to change your body. Many of us may be happy with the way we are, inside and out, but that doesn’t mean that we are perfectly content with the way our bodies look.
Most women can think of a handful of things she’d change about her physical appearance, and can likely pick out one feature that she finds especially problematic. These issues and insecurities often surface themselves in everyday “girl talk.”
We all know media can be toxic. We all know images of anorexic models and flawless beauty figures do not resemble average women and are not realistic ideals. The problem lies in that most of us do not have the power to control what is displayed in the media. It’s hard to admit that such propaganda influences our self-perception, yet these images have immense impact on the lives of so many women. So, if we cannot control the media we must face every day, how can we control the way we feel about our bodies and ourselves?
We can change the way we react to these messages and the way we talk about women’s bodies. Girl talk is how we maintain our relationships, and often times it is harmless. But what happens when girl talk crosses the line from harmless to toxic? Conversations about health and nutrition often turn into complaints about bodies. I cannot name how many complaints I get from my friends about their bodies, or even how many complaints I make about my own. One of my best friends recently told me, “Mollie, I have the worst thunder thighs. I just wish I could have a body that I’m proud of.”
First of all, my friend does not have thunder thighs. She is a very beautiful, healthy person. Her comment left me pressured to come up with a compassionate and reassuring response. When someone makes a complaint, is it best to respond in kind, with a counter complaint, or is it best to simply reassure them that they don’t have thunder thighs, which they probably won’t believe anyway? What does it even mean to have a body that we’re “proud of?”
Of course, a good response alone cannot change the way my friend views herself. But by changing the context of our “girl talk” and shifting conversation away from negative body talk, we can combat the poisonous propaganda. You don’t have to look like a fashion model to be proud of your body. There are many ways to love and appreciate your body even if it doesn’t fit up to stereotypical expectations. Instead of thinking about things we dislike, we can make a conscious effort to direct our attention to the ways in which we are thankful for our bodies.
I am proud of my body, not because of the way it looks but because of all of the things it allows me to do. I am a runner, and I am proud of my body because it took me to the finish line of my first half marathon last summer. I am proud of my body because it fights off sickness and works hard to keep me healthy. It fills me with energy and lets me know when it needs rest. I fight off negative insecurities by cherishing compliments and reminding myself that I am okay just the way I am. My body makes it possible for me to do the things I love, and I return the favor by loving myself and showing appreciation. A quote by an unknown author states, “Think highly of yourself because the world takes you at your own estimate.” So keep the body talk out of the girl talk and give yourself the credit you deserve.