Time Heals All

Recently, I was told that I’m the kind of person who likes to jump to the outcome of things. I like to fast forward to when everything is wrapped up in a tight, neat, pretty little bow. I like getting to the lesson fast. At first I was offended, because damn, that’s an odd thing to tell someone. Then, I turned reflective and realized; shit. This person who I haven’t even known for over three months had me pegged so well. I preach about the journey and how to really soak in every moment you have, but personally love to rush off towards the end goal when everything is settled. In doing so, I rush the process and push things to the end when really, they aren’t over. In reality, I’m not healed or done processing something. 

There were two things that I realized as I was driving South on the parkway at 8 am when this person's statement about me came to mind. The first being that I seriously need to stop rushing the processes that I’m going through in life. I have to stop searching for the lessons automatically and allow myself to feel whatever I’m going to feel through the “journey”. And secondly, when you truly take the time to sit and listen to what a person is saying to you, you hear a lot more. You see what’s beneath their words, you see between the lines and are able to see them in so many different lights. 

    Personally, I like keeping organized. Color coding, labels, files, drawers for certain things, bags within bags within bags...I’m written all over that. And I’ve treated life the same way. Certain things in certain boxes, wrapped with pretty, little, color coded bows after I’ve gone and solved the puzzle, labeled with whatever theme/lesson the box contains. I now see that this may not be the way to continue to live because, well, life is a spiteful bitch at times and likes to mess things up for us all. It’ll take our boxes, cut the bows off and tip the boxes open, creating a massive mess for us to sort through and clean up. I’ve tried so hard to close some boxes I have before allowing myself the time to sit with the mess and leave it be for a litte, return to it later. I started shoving the top on the box way before I was even ready to close it, and it started to overflow. 

I won’t lie about how I used to view life as a path that you create for yourself, one that remains what you want it to be because of the things that you do and the decisions you make. While that’s partly true, I hadn’t taken into consideration that life isn’t that simple with only the decisions and such coming in front of you that you want to be there. There are so many things that come before us that we never would have anticipated would be there or decisions we never knew we’d have to make. There is no way of trying to prepare ourselves for what’s to come with them. So with that, it’s important to let yourself be a mess and unorganized with things. Not everything all the time needs to be so prim and proper. 

So instead of trying so hard to keep your life in color coded, labeled boxes, keep things organized chaotically. Nothing needs to be so prim and proper. Understand that those boxes you’re trying so desperately to keep sorted and closed that hold your struggles and hard times are going to be shuffled through and messed up. Heck, don’t even bother sorting them out in the first place because not everything needs to be explained and understood right here and now. Time heals all, let it do its work.