I have been a planner for as long as I can remember. My freshman year of college, I went to my first advisor meeting with multiple questions about how to apply for the 5-year master’s program, my student teaching and endorsements. My advisor said I was the most prepared freshman she had ever met and that I would have a good college career in the education department. I was so sure that this was the path and the only path I would be taking.
It has only been a year and a half later, now in my spring semester of my sophomore year, and this semester has been kicking my butt. With more placement hours to complete, an 18-credit work load, a job, more club activities, and an actual group of friends, I feel burnt out at the end of the day. I wake up at 7 am to go to placement before a 10:05 am class where my day just gets busier from there. I feel like I am running a marathon to get to 6/6:30 o’clock when my day used to end, but now since I am joining an organization, my day got longer. I still want time to be able to hang out with friends and talk to my suitemates and just be able to relax. I have been getting routine fatigue, doing the same thing day in and day out where nothing seems exciting or surprising anymore because I know how long and tiring the day next will be.
This whole semester I have been questioning my choice of major. I was thinking about changing it last semester but had a life changing experience; being able to go teach and observe schools in England for two weeks in January. It reset my passion for wanting to be a teacher. I would be able to walk around and help kids with problems and saw them being able to figure out how to answer questions and in just 2 weeks saw progress in multiple students. This week I have been questioning this again. I don’t know if I am in the right place or doing what I should be doing.
Today I came up with a new method of approaching this. And that is, I don’t know. I don’t know if I am supposed to be going down this education path. I don’t know if I am ever going to be able to reach and teach students the way I hope and want to. I don’t know if I am ever going to make an impact on any students. But what I do know is that I want to try with every part of me. That when I am a teacher, my class will be my full focus and not be spread out with a job, taking classes, and having to meet deadlines.
What I do know is that I have enough passion and drive to make up for the unsure and burnt outness. That I think and believe I can do a lot of good with becoming a teacher and inspiring students to be the best they can be. Applying this to any part of my life where I feel like I am not fully engaged with it, trying to come up with reasons and passion for doing what I am will cover me and give me enough drive to be able to complete whatever it is, and that is how I know that what I am doing is what I am supposed to be doing; because I want to.