I had an absolutely terrible high school experience, but my saving grace was the few teachers who inspired me to work my ass off and become more academically driven in my last two years. My freshman and sophomore year of high school were met with experimentation, toxic relationships, and a hatred for school. It took a refurbishment of my own self, the help and inspiration of my junior and senior year English teachers and specifically, one of my senior year high school teachers to change my perspective on school.
Once I entered college, I knew exactly what I wanted to be. I wanted to teach high school and inspired more students like me to not give up. I wanted to help students see the beauty in English literature and to be excited to go to class every day. I strategically planned and re-planned my entire college schedule trying to find the best configuration of classes. In my spring semester, I applied for summer courses and teaching-related jobs. By doing that, I found out pretty quickly that the classroom is much different on the other side of the spectrum.
It is hard to have wired your brain to think that everything is going to work out perfectly and then when things begin collapsing. It is even harder to decide that it would be better to let it crumble rather than trying to rebuild every piece. After subbing a few classes and having the reigns over my own summer camp science class, I saw slowly my passion crumbling. I hated the cookie-cutter structure and felt overly stressed by it all.
The worst came when I would go home and stress eat on Krave cereal until I passed out on the couch. I was gaining stress, weight, pimples, etc., and this was only for a three-hour class for five days of the week.
I had to step back and look at my life from an outside perspective. If I was not fit for just three hours a day, how would I ever be fit for a 40-hour work week? Let alone getting up at 5 or 6am everyday; I’m not even a morning person. I fretted for hours over this with my boyfriend who is in his final semesters at Kean as a History and Secondary Education major. He tried playing devil’s advocate but I just couldn’t see the benefit of staying in that major.
But I did stay. And that was a mistake.
It was not a big mistake, but I wasted time. I changed majors this past October and I added four minors which I love even more. Had I changed in the beginning of the semester, I would have been able to start on some of them and not waste time going to clinical.
I have to listen to my gut. I am often described as an impulsive person; my Amazon purchase history is evidence enough. But for the sake of my future, I put too much time into waiting for change.
Change is not something that is going to come naturally, not when I am in charge of it. If I am not fit for teaching, then why would I keep pursuing something? My advisor made one of the best points that I am going to carry with me forever:
“If you are going to do something for money, it is not for passion, you won’t be good at it.”
While that may seem harsh, it was the exact awakening I needed. I had to look at what I truly loved. I love writing fiction; it was something I had done since I could form words on a page. I also picked up on journalism, I love writing informative pieces and reading those cosmopolitan articles on Snapchat. Maybe I won’t be a teacher and graduate with a secure job, but I can sure as hell try my best to apply at a magazine companies or newspapers. Whoever said that journalism is dying has not seen the way the internet has reshaped the industry.
Don’t be scared if you are having second guesses about what you want to do with your life. I would highly advise you to talk with your advisors and get second opinions to help you with your own decision. Do not let other opinions try and make you stay in a major if you truly feel that you are not fit for it.
You create your future; don’t live in regret and settle for something that does not fit you.