Like any fun-loving Minnesotan, I decided to lace up my sneakers, grab my friends and make my way to the Minnesota State Fair over Labor Day weekend. The fair always seems like the best idea in the world…until you actually get there. Here are five reasons why “The Great Minnesota Get Together” isn’t that great.
1. The Expectations
In my mind: The end scene from Grease. I’m Sandy in my black leather pants, looking hot AF, frolicking around the fair with Danny and my friends.
In reality: I’m super bloated and some guy in a wife beater is standing way too close to me.
2. The People
The sheer amount of people at the state fair is enough to make any introvert go into full blown panic attack mode. In the words of Dwight Schrute, “we need a new plague.” Not only are there too many people, the type of people you see will actually stop you dead in your tracks. I don’t know what rural town you crawled out of, no-teeth-face-tattoo guy, but please go back until state fair 2k17.
3. The Lines
From the second you get to the fair to the second you leave you spend your entire day in a line. Waited in line for my ticket, waited in line for my food, waited in line for the rides, waited in line for the bus ride home, I even waited in line to get off the bus. I spent about $100 to wait in line for eight hours.
4. The Food
The best part about the fair is the food. It’s the one time of the year where I don’t feel bad about indulging myself in ANYTHING I want to put in my mouth. Deep fried pickles? You bet. Deep fried candy bars? Here for it. Blueberry beer? Bring it on, bitch.
The food is great in theory, until you’re three bites in and you realize you’ve made a terrible mistake. All that fryer grease in such a short period of time and you’re ready to lay down in the middle of the street and let the crowd trample you.
Not only is there too much grease in the food, it’s literally TOO MUCH. Too much money ($7 for a little ass boat of cheese curds), too much hype (that caramel apple beer was trash, fight me) and too much EXTRANESS. Why are there pop rocks in my French toast bites? This isn’t fun for me.
5. The Money
See above… spent $100 to wait in line and eat until I wanted to die.
These five reasons should turn anyone off the state fair forever, but they don’t. Part of the fun of the fair is being miserable 30 percent of the time. The other 70 percent you’re having an awesome time with friends and family, taking pictures, making memories and you can’t wait to do it all over again next year.