When I was younger, I remember always looking at the world and going “I can do that later. I have time.” Now when you are eight and your only worries in life are spelling tests and convincing your mom that you can stay up to watch Disney, that seemed to make sense. You had all the time in the world. It was always, “I can do that tomorrow,” or “They already know that I love them,” before heading out the door. But as I have gotten older, I have realized that none of that is true. The truth is, you don’t know if you get a tomorrow. You don’t know if you will ever see that person again. It is a hard and painful lesson to learn but it is important.
The other day my sister and I got a call from our parents. Our uncle had passed. It was the first time in my life that someone who I had close memories with had passed on to their next chapter. It hurt. Obviously, because I lost someone who was always there growing up. But it hurt knowing my cousin lost his dad. That my aunt lost her husband. It hurt because I had grown away from them.
With growing up and becoming more and more busy it was normal to only see them once or twice a year. Whereas when I was younger, I got to see them for every holiday and sometimes even go and spend a weekend with them in the summer. They were always there for me when I was growing up. They came to basketball tournaments and random school events. It was normal to just expect to see them at Christmas and then expect to see them at family vacation. As I got older, I got busier and didn’t have the time to return the favor and be there to watch my cousin grow up. That’s my fault. I know now that I got to take every chance to be there for him, because I know it meant a lot that they were there for me.
Growing up also made me grow my own opinions. Obviously as you get older you realize what in life you stand for. A lot of my political views didn’t match my families. My uncle was someone who loved to start conversations during family events that often got a little tense. I didn’t mean to but naturally I stopped trying to talk with them. It felt like every conversation I had with any of them was just them picking at me for believing in something. I never really ever understood that your family won’t be there forever. When I was younger, I remember going home crying because my cousin had finally told me what death was. I literally thought that we all just lived forever. Oh, to be a young and naive child. Feeling like they would be here forever made me feel less guilty for not going to stop by and have dinner with them. Or skipping out on family vacation to work and get some extra cash.
Last year my grandma got a kidney transplant. It was a really scary time because prior to that I had been very distant with my relationship with her. Because of getting busier with school and having a job but also just growing apart with things I had mentioned earlier. The day of her surgery my whole family rushed down to the hospital to wait until she got out. Growing up as a kid who was in the hospital a lot, it was usually them in the waiting room and me on the table. But this time around it was the opposite. And I hated it. I wish and prayed that she would be alright. That was my grandma. She helped raise me. And because of petty little things my relationship with her had grown thin. I didn’t want anything to happen to her because I wanted to make sure she knew how much I love her.
The transplant was successful and since then I have worked on fixing my relationship with her. I try and go visit their house and update her on my life when I can. I remind her that I love her and hope she knows how much I do. I’m not writing this in hopes that you feel any bit of sympathy for me. I’m writing this because I don’t want you to make the same mistake that I did. My uncle and I weren’t as close when he passed. But he was family and I loved him a lot. I have so many stupid fun memories with him that make me smile. Like the fact that he is the reason I am terrified of Yosemite (long story).
Here is what I hope you take from this. Forgive people. Life is not certain. We do not know how many days we get on earth. Tell your family and friends you love them. Do it so many times that they become annoyed because you won’t shut up about it. Go hang out with your friends and make those memories. Tell your crush you like them. Live life every day as if it would be your last. Life is too short to wait. Do it before it is too late.