This article is about my own personal experience. What I say does not apply to everyone who is non-binary.
This summer I came out for the second time in my life— I came out as gender fluid. For me this means I use they/them/their pronouns and go by Jo instead of Jocelyn. This seemed pretty straightforward to me. I know many other non-binary people have had a very hard time getting people to respect them and their pronouns, yet I assumed coming from a liberal family with a liberal group of friends it was not going to be a problem.
I was incorrect. My parents have been terrible at using the correct pronouns. My mom is getting better but my dad just flat-out will not use my pronouns. When I posted on Facebook about my new pronouns I was instantly questioned by my aunt with the ever-exhausting inquiry, “Isn’t they plural?” Some of you reading this article may have thought the same thing.
Let us be clear- “they” can be a plural pronoun, but it can also be a singular one. Most importantly if someone asks you to use a certain pronoun for them, you should just do it. It does not matter if you’ve never heard of it or you think its weird or hard to use, just use their pronouns.
My friends, on the other hand, have been lovely. I have had messages of support from high school friends on Facebook. I have had friends practicing so they can use the correct pronouns at school. I have had friends defend me to strangers. I am lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life.
Another part of coming out as Gender Fluid that I had not anticipated was feeling out of place in spaces I used to feel comfortable. One of those spaces is Her Campus.
I want to be clear this has nothing to do with Her Campus itself or my lovely editors here at Marymount. It entirely has to do with me. I’m not a “her”. While I have never been a girl, I used to be comfortable as a “her” and now I’m not. Honestly, I do not know where this leaves me exactly. I have truly enjoyed writing for Her Campus and am looking forward to writing more this coming year. Yet as a “their” not a “her,” do I really belong on this site?
My fellow writers have said that of course I do, but there is doubt. I worry that I’m encroaching on a space that is no longer for me. I also worry that people will assume that I am a “her” because I write for a website called Her Campus. Ultimately I cannot make these worries completely disappear, but here are my thoughts: HerCampus is a safe space for college students whose voices are often neglected in the media to talk about what is important to them. I am a college student whose identity is neglected by not just the media, but by most of society. I obviously feel safe enough on this site to write this article. I have received nothing but support from my fellow Her Campus writers and editors, so why shouldn’t I keep writing here?
As for people assuming I’m a “her”, they already do. It feels terrible when it happens but it is true. Hopefully the people who read my articles are willing to support me and recognize that while I’m not a “her” I can still find a place on this site.