The New Year is a notable time for most people, whether they are jotting down some resolutions, starting a new job, a new semester, or whatever it may be. It tends to be a time of personal metamorphosis. I am not talking about turning into a large insect, but rather a change that makes a person feel rebranded and rejuvenated… A change that has notably affected me.
Only a few months ago I left my home in San Diego, CA, to move across the country for college in New York City. At first, the new environment did not seem to affect me too much. I felt comfortable in my discomfort. I pushed myself to join clubs, meet new people, get a job, go to parties, travel around the area, find my spots, and more to discover little nuggets of comfort in a huge city of ambiguity. However, I soon found that I distracted myself with the novelties of the city to hide my sadness.
Since I have had more time to learn more about myself in these times of living alone, I have realized that I have been compartmentalizing all of my worries into tightly packed, pretty boxes in the back corners of my mind. Instead of embracing every part of myself, I have been living behind a facade for the past 18 years. It has taken 18 “New Years” for me to realize my faux pas.
I have learned more about myself in a single semester of college than I have in my entire life. Being surrounded by strong and beautiful people who admit to having faults has helped me address my own struggles. It is okay to admit defeat at times and to get back up and try again.
I was nervous to apply for a job in the city from the moment I stepped foot in the concrete jungle. I thought I was severely unqualified for anything because I have only done volunteer work and babysitting. However, within a month of the first semester, I got a job at Hollister on Fifth Avenue, which was mind boggling to me.
It was stressful to balance school and a job at the same time, in a city that I am still getting acquainted with. I put a lot of effort into my position, but over time I knew it was not the job for me. I did not put my white flag up; I congratulated myself that I learned a lot of new skills and went outside of my comfort zone. I tend to give everyone else the benefit of the doubt, besides for myself. This time I believed in myself and I was able to prove to myself that I have abilities far beyond my horizon.
This giant leap of faith has allowed me to realize what is most important in my life, which is the quality of my life. I never thought that I was worthy or “enough” for everyone, but I see now that I am the beholder of my eye. What I gain from myself is more powerful than anyone else’s opinion.
My main goal for this time in my life is to take advantage of all of my opportunities. Every moment wasted is one I could have spent bettering myself. I have realized that social media has wasted so much time in my life and I don’t want to be controlled any longer. It is a blessing to be able to attend college when some people will never have this opportunity, and I want to make the most of it.
A quote that has been ingrained in my mind from a young age is “Vissi D’arte Vissi D’amore,” meaning “I live for my art, I live for my love.” This is the year I will embrace this way of life and truly do what I love for myself. The best thing a human can do is make tweaks until they are satisfied – and that is what I aim to do.