On the island of Manhattan, it is hard to imagine that someone would have a hard time finding someone to date. This is not exactly true, because although we are in the most melted of cities, everyone is isolated from each other. Swiping left and right has become the new medium of finding love.
Instead of following the steps of Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks in “You’ve Got Mail” falling in love from pure fate, people are choosing their own ominous fate by swiping on a seemingly nice human. It is ironic how dating in the city is made out to be serendipitous, but it really isn’t. In reality, it is spending hours trying to find the perfect match online and hoping to make it to the second date.
Even moving to the city with a partner is difficult because of the expectations behind every date. My boyfriend goes to another school in New York. Whenever we see each other, I expect some sort of spur-of-the-moment act of romance to occur. I justify my expectations because of the fact that we are in the Big Apple. Therefore, rush tickets should be immediately in my possession, Shmackary’s cookies should be delivered, and we better be seeing SNL live! However, this is not feasible as college students and for modern lovers.
Although blaming New York for dating issues is not a valid option, the city does create an awful lot pressure surrounding it. Some of the best nights are when my boyfriend and I stay in the dorms, order food, and rewatch our favorite movies. It’s simple but satisfying.
Even though the holidays are coming up and you may be tempted to get on your dating app to swipe for Prince Charming, you might want to consider how much a few aesthetically pleasing Instagram photos will affect your mental health. Swiping on a possible partner might just lead to heartbreak. Especially with winter right around the corner, you might be tempted to cuff someone to not be alone for the holidays, but the aftermath of a short term relationship might leave you even lonelier.
Love can be found in every building, in every street corner, and in every cafe in New York City. Modern love does not have to be with another person, it can be in loving something for yourself. Cherishing a moment is not a two person activity. The other night I was walking in the East Village when I came across a restaurant that was hosting a tango night. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw these couples dancing together with their eyes closed enjoying the evening. My heart filled with love, and it made me feel happy to be living in a city where it is okay to be on my own or in a relationship because love here is universal.
Although, I am not a dating expert, nor an expert on modern love in the city, I do know how it feels to be in love. It is electrifying, intimate, and tender. It is a hug that you never want to end; coffee date where you want the coffee to keep refilling. It is a private conversation in the corner of a busy room that no one else will ever understand. It is the quiet but provoking exchange of caring eyes. It is a night spent laughing at a joke that has no punchline, and it is the knowledge that the universe put you with your counterpart without your own meddling.
I am a firm believer in fate, which might not be the same belief as others. But why spend your time swiping on people that do not fill you with an eternal flame, when you could wait to find out what the world has in store for you? It will catch you off guard so make sure you are aware when the moment hits you. It could be as simple as an exchanged smile.
The truth is that I am not Meg Ryan and I do not have mail – so yes, dating is hard.