Growing up, I never was fully confident in the way I looked. I struggled with feeling overweight and different from the rest of the girls my age. While they would go out in tight camisoles and crop tops, I wore flowy shirts and sweaters over my outfits to hide any and all insecurities. I remember fifth grade Jordyn feeling anxious to go to the beach with her friends because she knew she would have to wear a bathing suit. Sixth grade Jordyn tried the newest fad diet hoping for quick results. Eighth grade Jordyn did not want to take pictures because she hated the way she looked, and and high school Jordyn constantly was surrounded with negative feelings and thoughts. No matter how many diets I tried or how many workouts I did at the gym, nothing seemed to work or make me feel good about myself.
In the process of auditioning for copious amounts of Musical Theatre programs for college, I found myself comparing not only my talent, but my looks to the thousands of girls around me. I decided that I was done feeling badly about myself and putting myself down. I wanted to find something that would help me become the best version of myself. My goal wasn’t just to lose weight, it was to finally feel comfortable in my own skin.
I remember hearing kids in the hallways at school talk about CKO, a kickboxing company that had opened up down the street from me. People raved about it saying the instructors were motivating and the workouts, though intense, left you feeling amazing. Something in me was drawn to their words, and I decided to give it a try.
That first class kicked my butt. I remember trying my hardest to fight through the pain while others around me weren’t breaking a sweat. I could barely do 3 push ups before collapsing. I felt so out of shape. Still, the instructor gave me one-on-one help and pushed me throughout the class. He showered me with positive and motivating words and helped me get through the entire hour with a smile on my face. While I took plenty of breaks and couldn’t do every exercise, I gave it my all and made it through.
I am forever thankful for that initial class. I continued to go each and every week after the trial. Some weeks I’d only be able to go once, while other weeks I was there everyday. Not only did I see changes in the way I looked, but also in the way I felt. I was getting stronger both physically and mentally. I felt the muscles in my arms for the first time and saw my legs getting toned. I was able to get through an entire class, sometimes two in a row without stopping. Kickboxing ended up becoming my main source of stress relief allowing me to clear my mind by punching a bag. At the end of each class, I felt like I could take on the world, and nothing could bring me down. I felt amazing!
While I can’t say that kickboxing completely cured all of my body insecurities, it certainly guided me on a path towards self-love. Kickboxing taught me things about myself that I hadn’t known before. I learned that I was stronger, more motivated, and more capable than I had previously thought. While there are still bad days, kickboxing has helped me learn to love myself and become the best version of me.