Been there, done, that. Almost every girl has had one fling or one ex relationship that devolves into love/HATRED. These are the individuals that you always run into at the worst possible times, that you tend to stalk on Facebook, and that you may accidentally have texted a couple times while intoxicated (but probably not though, right?). For some reason, this cycle doesn’t seem to end.
Why do dealings with exes have to be negative, though? Sometimes, one person in the relationship did something terrible. Even then, though, there is always room for forgiveness, because what do we really know at this age? We overreact, over-judge, and overthink everything. People do make mistakes, but that’s what growing up is for, right? Why hold a restrictive grudge when you could just move on and be happy?
I know it’s easier said than done. I’ve been through the process and it hasn’t easy for me. This game is about keeping your cool, because whoever does not only keeps a bit of sanity, but also is applauded for staying levelheaded.
You know the one thing I hate, though? During your previous relationship, you probably got to know your significant other’s friends and became somewhat close with them. When your relationship ended, though, your connections with his friends were supposed to end as well.
This is something I will never understand. Sometimes, when I go over to an ex’s friend’s house, things grow very awkward. Why are people so uncomfortable? Just treat me like any d— girl that comes over to hang out or party! Don’t act like I am a newly arrived alien! And no, you don’t need to awkwardly bring up names in conversation and giggle about it. I am fully aware that my ex is associated with you guys.
I don’t know if some people realize this, but we are human. We don’t like to be betrayed or forgotten because of a break up. You were my friend and you still are my friend until I say so.
Another thing that gets me is that, with male exes, every man-friend he has had in his whole life becomes, almost magically, off limits. Guys, I don’t think this is a real rule. Is there some bro code forbidding your friends from getting involved with your ex? This isn’t the 5th grade. I can like whomever I want.
On that note, it’s definitely not acceptable to get with my girlfriends… BUT, with all of the hardships aside, I believe that remaining friends with an ex (that doesn’t mean super-close snuggle buddies or anything) is the greatest weapon you can have. It will tear at his soul, make him think about you more, and also- bonus- lead him to tell his friends about your perpetual kindness.
See him at a bar? Don’t hide under the table or whisper to your girlfriends. Look him SMACK DAB in the eyes and smile that beautiful smile- maybe even strike up a conversation! He’ll see that you are confident and perfectly fine without him.
RED ALERT. RED ALERT. During these conversations and (possible) texts with him after the break-up, do not, I repeat, do not start to consider him again as a love interest. Once an ex, always an ex (for 99% of relationships). I know it can be hard, but you stopped talking to each other for a reason. Just let it go. There are SO MANY men out there who are dying to get to know you and date you.
Just remember, you’ve got to kiss many frogs to find your prince ;)