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This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Minnesota chapter.

Welcome to Gopher Confessions: The Hook-Up Edition! This is the first installment in Her Campus Minnesota’s Gopher Confessions Series, and we’re kicking it off with a bang, pun very much intended. While consensual hook-ups can be hot and heavy, sometimes they just leave you thinking, “WTF was that?,” and believe me, we’ve all been there. So here’s to the awkward, crazy, hilarious, what the actual f*** hook-ups. The tales of hook-ups past are endless, but here are the Gopher Confessions that really took the cake….

1. “My freshman year during welcome week, I was hooking up with this guy after a long night of drinking when he got up to use the bathroom. He was gone for awhile so I just assumed that he went back to his dorm when my neighbor walked into my room and asked me if I had brought a guy home. She was asking because a naked drunk guy walked into her room crawled into bed with her and just fell asleep. I had to go wake him up and drag his ass back to bed.”

2. “One night I went out to a party with some friends, had one too many drinks, and met up with this guy I knew from high school. One thing led to the next, and we were making out, having a hot hook-up when I decided to try and be sexy. I start kissing him from his neck down to his – you- know- what and start giving him head. Well, I started gagging and I couldn’t stop so I accidentally threw up all over his stomach. Oops.”

3. “I woke up next to a guy who peed in my bed and he was very sorry and washed all my bedding for me.”

4. “I was hooking up with this guy, and I was giving him head, but his dick was just super wet. It all happened so fast like it just slipped right out of my mouth for a quick sec and then it ricocheted and bounced right back up to hit me in the face.”

5. “I met a guy two years ago via facebook. He invited me over later that night after he had been at the bars (drunk). I knew full and well this was a booty call and didn’t expect a call back…. Our two year relationship anniversary is next Monday.”

6. “I hooked up with a football player freshman year when I was pretty drunk. I couldn’t remember his name, but I saw one of his jerseys hanging on the wall with his last name, so I just kept saying his last name over and over in my head so I wouldn’t forget who I had just slept with. The next morning, I couldn’t find my underwear ANYWHERE in his room, so he had to help me look. Did I mention I had originally been heading to an American-themed party the night before? I was decked out in red, white, and blue garb and that’s what I had to do the walk of shame in the next morning… all the way back to Super Block.”

7. “Last year spring Jam I went to this yard party where I met up with some old friends from high school. After being at the party for about an hour and consuming one too many shots of tequila, I started making out with an old friend from high school. His friend had just purchased a party bus and drove that to Spring Jam. I decided to be fun and adventurous so we went on the bus and ended up having a hot hook up. I got off that bus with my mascara running down my face my hair was an afro and my undies were missing. I was a hot mess.”

8. “Had too many $2.00 rails at Sally’s and went home to bang a guy, but he had a bad case of whiskey dick. I got pretty mad that I went all the way to his place and couldn’t get laid, just a girl tryna get laid. He got even more mad and punched a wall. He is now in a full arm cast, and I didn’t get laid…. Not sure who had it worst.”

9.  “Freshman year my boyfriend and I left his dorm since his roommate was there and wandered through campus. We found an old building with a wheelchair ramp that was winding down to it. We went to the bottom, had sex, and walked back to his dorm.”

10. “One night Freshman year I was fabulously inebriated and I brought this guy back to my dorm. About halfway through, he backs up and says, ‘There’s blood on your face.’ Stunned, I said, ‘What do you mean?’ so he asked, ‘Are you… bleeding down there?’ and I responded, ‘I shouldn’t be!’ Then he put his hand up to his face – he had a bloody nose. We looked in the mirror and we both had blood all over our faces. It was disgusting, but he was hot, so we cleaned up and kept going. PLOT TWIST: we were in my roommate’s bed.”

11.  “I met this guy on Tinder (first mistake). He wanted to hang out and I am not an idiot, so I knew exactly what he meant. I decided to go and just play it by ear. He lived in 17th and I lived in Superblock. He was nice enough to meet me halfway. We start walking back to 17th and everything is going great. He is really nice and cute, so I am like, ‘Okay, maybe this wasn’t the worst mistake.’ WRONG.. We start making out and everything is getting pretty heated. Then, he starts kissing my neck. I am thinking, ‘Okay, this is going well.’ Until, he starts working his way to my ear. I am thinking he is just going to bite my ear a little bit. Wrong AGAIN. He full on stuck his tongue inside my ear! It was like he was more interested in making out with my ear than anything. I immediately just couldn’t put up with it, so I said I needed to go. I never talked to him again.

12. “I once went on date with a Scottish soldier (he was based in my town) that I met on Tinder. We went to see a scary movie called “The Gallows.” He started to cry during the movie and claimed it was because of PTSD, so we went out to my car. In the car, he started kissing me, and we ended up having sex. Post-hook-up, he told me that he wasn’t actually a soldier, he had just been hitchhiking across the U.S. for a few years. And he wasn’t actually scared of the movie, he just wanted to get out of there so we could have sex. Needless to say, I was pretty pissed. Waste of a $7.50 movie ticket. His accent was crazy dreamy though.”

13. “Walked over to my ex-boyfriend’s apartment blacked out to hook up. Woke up in his roommate’s bed covered in piss with him next to me.”

Are you on the floor in tears yet? Perhaps you laughed so hard you’re lying in a bed of piss yourself? If not – have no fear. We’ve got plenty more confessions coming your way, and next up is the Roommate Edition! If you’ve got some wild, funny, or just plain awful roommate stories, we want to hear them. You can share your roomie confessions here. Until next time, Gophers!

Editor’s Note: For the respect of those who have submitted their confessions, each of their identities have remained anonymous. All confessions featured here were confirmed consensual experiences of those who wished to share their story with us. You can read articles in which our team has addressed issues of consent, sexual violence, and drinking herehere, and here to name a few. 

Lauren is the Her Campus Correspondent at the University of Minnesota where she is currently studying Strategic Communications with and emphasis in Public Relations. Lauren also works for a national nonprofit organization called Miss Amazing that focuses on empowering women with disabilities by hosting programs offering the opportunity to develop life long skills, build confidence, express themselves, and create meaningful relationships. In addition to her work with Her Campus and Miss Amazing, Lauren also works as the Public Relations and Branding Coordinator at Metropolitan Salons and Spas and as an assistant at a law firm in downtown Minneapolis. When she isn't busy working, Lauren enjoys reading, shopping, spending time with her family and friends, and of course watching New Girl. Lauren is an enthusiast for many things: coffee, Kate Spade, office supplies, home décor, women's empowerment, and pugs, just to name a few. Lauren's favorite quote (right now) is, "Give me some wifi, a pair of heels, some coffee and watch me make the world go round." HCXO!