With Halloween finally here, there are tons of things to be afraid of: spiders, ghosts, clowns, etc. However, there’s something scarier that haunts us even more throughout the entire year: disaster dates. A date can go a variety of ways; it can be perfect, and you can meet the love of your life, it can be hella sub-par and leave you feeling “meh,” or it can be downright, hilariously terrible, making for a great story later on. We asked some of our fellow Gophers to share their funniest first date stories with us. In honor of Halloween, here are a few of the best First Date Horror submissions we received:
1. “I had just started seeing this guy. We were out getting coffee and he is a football player for a local school. So I’m asking all the basic questions. Me: What are your hobbies? Him: Eating Me: What’s your favorite food? Him: Burgers Me: What kind?! (Being nice and polite through it all to carry on the conversation) Him: Cheese. This continued with 3 different subjects before I said that my mom needed me because my dog was sick. Talk about boring!!!”
2. “My boyfriend had decided to try to create one of my dream date ideas and took me ice skating at an indoor ice skating arena. However, he invited my best friend and his best friend to supervise, made me pay for his and my skates then demonstrated his lack of skills on the ice. He did not make it around the loop once without falling, and unfortunately, [not without] dragging me down with him. After we all left the rink, we went to his house to watch a movie and it was there that I discovered he hadn’t even told his parents we were dating. Every time he thought he heard his parents coming down the stairs, he jumped to a different chair far away from me. Finally I called my mom and asked for her to drive me home. Needless to say, the relationship ended shortly after that.”
3. “The guy I liked and thought I was going on a date with showed up ten minutes late, wore workout pants, and brought his best friend along. He kept complaining about how much homework he had the whole time and it seemed as if I was tagging along for the date, not his best friend. It was the worst!”
4. “I met this guy on tinder and woah bad choice. He wanted to pick me up, which was sweet but kinda creepy. We went to the movies and saw War Dogs and he was leaning into me the whole time but wouldn’t hold my hand or even attempt to. After the movie we went out [to the bars]…Afterwards we drove around and listened to music. Finally he got the guts to kiss me and it was seriously like a suction cup and it tasted like milk even though he didn’t have milk for like the past four hours on our date. Talk about gross! Plus, after that, he didn’t get the hint to stop talking to me until eight weeks after.”
5. “This actually happened to my sister– she went on a date with a guy who brought up stuff that he learned from stalking her Facebook– and he admitted it. He brought up stuff from 4-5 years ago!”
6. “He told me we were going to a movie and dinner and I should meet him at his house, but when I got there he suggested we order a pizza and stay in instead. I didn’t know him that well so I agreed. Eventually it turned into Netflix and chill and I was NOT down for that, so I tried to leave and he tried to block me from doing so. I said I had to go to the bathroom and never went back.”
7. “I had the balls to ask him out, he had the balls to show up with another girl.”
8. “We were meeting as his house to go out to eat. I ran over something on the road and popped my tire. I was a few minutes away from his house so I thought I could make it. I kept driving on the popped tire, and all of a sudden I couldn’t control my car anymore so I pulled over a couple blocks from his house. I ended up denting my rims and he had to pick me up on the side of the road.”
9. “Our first date – really the first time I had ever interacted with him outside of class – he picked me up and said we were headed to a “small get-together”. Figuring it was a casual party or hangout with some of his friends, I went along with it. An hour-long car ride later, I find myself at his cousin’s house only to be greeted by his ENTIRE family. It turns out we were at his cousin’s birthday party and he told his whole extended family that he was bringing his GIRLFRIEND. I spent the evening mingling with his cousins, parents, and his grandma. He tried to hold my hand several times and I spent a lot of time dodging his moves. At the end of the night he leaned in for a kiss which I (not so gracefully) avoided. I saw him in school the following Monday and he didn’t say a word. At least I got pizza and birthday cake out of the deal.”
10. “The way it began was awkward in itself: my high school English teacher desperately wanted to set me up with his younger brother for years. One day out of the blue, my teacher’s brother slid into my DM’s and after messaging for awhile, he asked me out. I agreed, and we met up the following weekend to hang out. After an uncomfortable introduction to his mother, he said he wanted to surprise me with an ‘adventure.’ Figuring we were going on an actual date, I had dressed pretty cute that day… I had on a skirt and some not-so-sensible sandals. As we began to approach his surprise location, he explained to me that we were going on a hike through the bluffs in the river valley. After about two hours of hardcore struggling in those damn shoes, we gave up on adventuring and got food. Something tells me he wasn’t too impressed with my lack of outdoorsy-ness.. We quit talking shortly after that.”
We hope these stories made your awkward first dates seem a little less horrific. If you loved hearing your fellow Gopher’s confessions as much as we did, check out Gopher Confessions: The Hook-Up Edition for more!
Editor’s Note: For the respect of those who have submitted their confessions, each of their identities have remained anonymous.