“I wish I was as strong as everybody thinks I am: the girl who could get through anything, the girl who breezes through heartbreaks, the girl who could find someone else…someone better, the girl who is so independent, so strong, so fearless…. or so they think.
I wish I was as numb as I’d like to think: the girl who doesn’t feel anymore, who doesn’t care, the selfish, self-interested girl who couldn’t care less about what anyone had to say. But I care way too much.
Right now, my heart is broken and I am in pain, but I act like I’m fine on the outside. My hair is straightened, my lashes are curled, and my outfit is styled. But what they don’t know is the pound of makeup hides the bags from staying up in the morning crying and the redness of my eyes from the tears.
They all ask if I’m okay… I answer, ‘I’m fine,’ with a smile that hurts like hell. Why cant I move on? Why do I feel this way when I was the one who left you? If saying goodbye is what’s best for me, then why am I torn, broken, and a mental mess? You were so respectful, putting my feelings first even when I just hurt yours. Was I a fool for leaving? “
Many girls, including myself, can be tempted to think this way after a break up. The most thing important to remember after a breakup is that these feelings are completely normal. DO NOT blame yourself for choosing your own happiness. If that’s what it felt to be with the wrong guy, imagine what it will feel like to be with the right one!
Instead of pointing faults or crying, be grateful for this experience. I know, I sound crazy right now. But right now you should be grateful that you miss him; because you had something real, something that not everyone gets, and you’re lucky you had that because love like that is strong and only lucky people get that kind of love. So yes, you feel buried and can’t find the surface of your grief. Trust me, I know. But one day, I promise you, that you will realize that life is beautiful and one guy does not define you. One mistake does not define you — how you pick yourself up after the worst moments of your life, that defines you.
And yes, heartbreaks suck. No one is expecting you to show no emotion, but once you get through this temporary pain, focus on how much brighter the future is. You have a possibility for a fresh start and permanent happiness. Break ups show the real colors of the people involved, and help you see who your forever friends are. No matter what kind of pain or feelings you’re going through, I guarantee that you will always have a support group.
Always remember:
You are never alone.