In the past others have romanticized the way you meet that special someone. Then you get into a relationship, engagement, and then marriage. You could’ve met them at a diner sharing a milkshake or known them all your life and we’re best friends until you realize you weren’t. However, realistically (and my experience) that’s not really how it works. I had a conversation the other day where my family and I compared dating in the past versus dating now. Of course our generation is pretty used to online dating, apps, and meeting someone from the on the Internet. To our grandparents, parents, and possibly anyone above the age 35, that method was far from what they have known and sometimes it shocks them when relationships work out. To reference my mother, that’s the lazy way of meeting someone. Unfortunately nowadays meeting someone in college or spontaneously at the library is no longer a thing. Maybe one out of 100 will get that experience, but I’m a junior in college and it’s safe to say I’ve never found the love of my life while stressing over midterms.
In previous articles I’ve always mentioned how I’ve never seriously dated anyone especially in my early teen years. It’s common to see high school relationships and how some would obviously fall apart or surprisingly stay together. I’m actually glad I never had a high school significant other. I looked at my friends who were in relationships at that time and learned a lot! To me it saved a lot of heartache and let me notice what were red flags. However I will admit there was a lot of rejection along the way. I thought I knew all there was to relationships and the stages. You start talking to someone, you go on a date, you start dating and are in a relationship, and then it’s history from there. Seems pretty simple, many people think this, but as of almost a week ago I realized I was not as fluent in dating like I thought I was.
First off, why did no one tell me that if you’re dating someone it doesn’t mean you’re in a relationship?! My entire existence up until last week I thought that if you were dating someone that means you guys were both in an official relationship. And that going on dates meant you were casual and getting to know each other. Apparently those go hand-in-hand and are kind of the same thing. Thanks to some of my friends, I finally know what dating means. It’s getting to know someone with the intent of possibly becoming more in the future. You must think I’m really dumb, but hey I’ve never done this kind of stuff before. Thank you to everyone who is managed to clear that up for me. Now that you are done probably laughing, I will say my view isn’t necessarily incorrect. Everyone has their own preconceived ideas of what dating means. It could mean you are getting to know someone and you’re both exclusively not seeing others because you want to see what could be. It may also mean that you are casually seeing many people and not just one person. There’s so many forms of dating that it’s hard to keep track of one. For me I thought dating meant that you were in a serious relationship or just about to become one. This is where I think really key part into any relationship comes in and here’s how I found that out.
For a while now I’ve been seeing this guy who makes me absolutely happy and he’s one of the funniest most kind guys I’ve ever met. Surprisingly I didn’t meet him on a dating app or saw him outside the school store, we met two years ago through mutual friend and have recently reconnected. Everything seems to be going great, but going on dates and getting to know him I really I started to notice that I have no idea what I am doing. All the things I thought I had learned went down the drain because for the first time in my life I was shocked that a guy liked me the way I liked him. You may think I’m joking, but it’s actually more common than you think. I’ve gotten advice from multiple friends about what they did when they first met their current significant other and have gotten so many different responses. Some of my friends knew exactly what to do and the relationship naturally flowed very easily while others also had no idea what they were doing and found their own flow. It may be awkward in the beginning or not, the way things start out are different for everyone. It’s definitely made me feel better about being clueless when it comes to me not picking up signs of him either wanting to holding my hand or kiss me. However if there’s one thing I’ve learned through this entire process that stuck out to me… it’s communication. The thing I heard most common with my family and friends is if you don’t communicate with the other person you may be flirting or dating, it could be very confusing for you both. For me it definitely was confusing in the beginning, but I think we both have started to communicate better with each other and are very happy with what we are doing. Things may take a more slow approach or flow in naturally. No matter what, dating and relationships are different for everyone. Don’t be afraid to talk to family or friends and communicate with the other person. You never know if they’re feeling the same way or not. It could clear up a lot of confusion and give you clarity on what’s been keeping you up at 1:30 in the morning. Hopefully you can learn from my mistakes so you’re ready when that special someone asks you to dance under some twinkle lights.
HXCO,
Valentina <3