When I was little, my father told me that there was nothing more powerful in this world than a woman who is confident and independent. I took those words to heart and have tried to live by those wise words. That being said, I couldn’t understand that the more I tried to live by this, the more it felt like I was scaring people, specifically men, away. I never thought that my independence could be an unattractive trait, but the more I stood on my own two feet, the more it felt like I wasn’t desirable to potential suitors.
Finding the balance between not compromising my values and feeling desirable is a struggle. During these moments of doubt, it’s best to remind yourself about what you want from your relationships and how you can remain healthy in those relationships. For example, I was recently turned down by a man because he thought I was too independent for him. Hearing that made me question everything about myself and who I strive to be as a woman. After talking the situation out with some friends, I realized that my independent spirit wasn’t a detriment, but was instead what was going to carry me through this upset and make me stronger. It was something that he saw as a weakness in me, but showed me was a weakness for him.
Our independence is something the people in this country pride themselves on, but when it comes to women being independent, it’s seen as a negative trait. Women like this are often interpreted as being abrasive and often referred to as a b*tch. Women are fearful of this negative categorization because they can be seen as loners and ineffectual in the world. But these women, are just the opposite. Being independent isn’t a negative trait for women but is in fact something to celebrate.
As I’ve gotten older, my father’s words resonate with me more and more. Not because it’s what will carry me through hardships, but because its what will carry me through life. I am thankful everyday that I never let my independent streak die because I know that that’s what will help me achieve all the goals I’ve set for myself in life. It allowed me to never stop pushing myself to be a stronger individual and demand a better lifestyle for myself, especially to anyone who wanted to bring me down or stifle that fire. I am thankful everyday that I can call myself an independent woman and live by that title everyday of my life.
HCXOXO
Erin States
