Before I begin, I would like to say that men who are single parents are just as much of a superhero as women are.
I grew up with a single mother who raised me until she was ready to be at peace in her new life in North Carolina. Of course, I was also around my grandma, Nanny, and my Uncle Karl, “Unkie” (may he rest in peace), who also were essential in my growing up journey. My mom was pregnant at 19 and had me at 20. Currently I am at the age when my mom had me, which is very scary when I think about it. Not having the man who helped create me in her life was damaging yet beneficial. I did not need a dad to learn how to build or fix things. I did not need a dad to teach me love. My mom was both a mother and father to me and I will forever be grateful.
I remember having fun with my mom growing up in Lancaster City on Duke Street. I had a Strawberry Shortcake themed room, she walked me to kindergarten every morning and picked me up. Man, I even remember when she would pop up in the double-stacked door at preschool and I would run into her arms. Another memory I have that is quite funny is when she would leave things on top of the car, and then freaked out wondering where it was! Those were the days. . .
A lot of things changed after my mom met my sister’s dad, and of course after having her. To keep a very long story short, my relationship with my mom changed drastically. Not only did she have to focus on another kid (thanks Yayuh, ha!), but she had to work more to provide for us. I also moved a lot over this time. I had felt differently towards my mom at that point. I felt unheard, unloved, and it was almost like we were strangers. Around this period was when I started to develop mental health issues. Then as I grew into adolescence, I felt like she was “hounding” me more often and we seemed to argue more. It went from being mommy’s girl to thinking I had no one who cared. At this time, I really wanted to be around the man who abandoned me and my mom just to get away.
Around junior year of high school, better known as the year of COVID, our relationship became better. I found myself being slightly more open. I was almost 18 and I was doing big things in my high school career. We still went on mother-daughter trips, and she even gave me advice on relationships with those who were in my “circle”. Fast forward near the time of graduation, I was playing the lead role in the Spring show and was awarded the honor of giving the graduation speech. Who was my biggest supporter? My mom. She came to the shows I performed in, she came to both graduations I had and even attended my trips to Millersville where I currently am working on my Bachelor’s Degree. My mom and I went through hell and back and I cannot thank her enough.
To this day, my mom and I are closer than ever. I do think her moving to NC has helped as well. I call her and my brother daily (most times more than once), and she comes to visit when she can. This past Valentine’s Day, she sent me a card and a rose (my favorite flower), along with a bracelet my brother made for me. I personally feel more comfortable sharing personal things with her, and she even comes to me about things as well! Who says adults can’t come to their adult children about things?
From this article, I hope to make a connection with other people like me who had a rough patch with their single parent, whether it was a mother or father, perhaps even another family member.
Here are some key takeaways for both the child and the parent:
Child:
- Your parent’s job is to worry about you whether you like it or not.
- You don’t have to be open about certain subjects with your parent all the time, but do not lie.
- Give them a break occasionally, you aren’t the only one struggling.
- BE HONEST in any situation or circumstance
Parent:
- Your child is a creation of you, if you don’t like it, don’t force them to be something they aren’t.
- Don’t always share their personal information with people they aren’t familiar with.
- It’s okay to want a close relationship with your child, but PLEASE do not force it upon them.
- Do not take their openness for granted because clearly they trust you for a reason.
HCXO,
Ace