Is it unnecessarily hard? 100% yes. But why is it? No one ever comes out as straight. Well, maybe they do. But no one I’ve met. I don’t personally think it’s fair. Not only is coming out to people, friends, family, hard but so is coming out to yourself. Shouldn’t I be my number one supporter? Why was it so hard to accept, why did it take years to be okay with liking girls?
I think it’s easiest to start with accepting it yourself. That’s the hardest part. I have always been a romantic. The classical dramatic, sad romance. The horribly funny Hallmark christmas romance movies type of romantic. When I realised I liked girls rather than men, I had to change my very internalized definition of romance. It’s not like lesbian romance is #1 on the movie charts. Of course, times have changed and LGBT+ representation is so incredibly better than it had been. But even so, lesbian romance is not as showcased. So I think for myself personally, it was the trying to navigate my feelings in a romance world that was always held in the dark. It’s not like coming out openly has made it any better, but it opens my world to the possibility of finding people who had once felt the same as I do now.
Sometimes friends can be easier to come out to than family. I was truly blessed with a family that would no doubt support me. As well as not being the only gay/LGBT+ cousin. But coming out is still hard. Sometimes it can be a different kind of hard with friends. It was amazing finding out that most of my friends were LGBT+ once I came out to them myself. But that doesn’t stop the fear that they might one day think I’m attracted to them. Are they uncomfortable? If I get too close will they pull away because they think I’m hitting on them? There’s too many if’s.
But here’s the best part about coming out. It’s like before you were wearing clothes that were too tight, trying to fit into parameters you just obviously didn’t fit in. Then suddenly you put on clothes just your size and style. Things just make sense and you feel more comfortable in your own skin. Even if you only feel safe enough to come out to just yourself, it’s freeing. The world is a very different place now than it was 20 years ago. It’s also okay to not know how you feel. You don’t need a label. If you like girls, or guys, or both, or neither, that’s okay. If you just don’t know what you like, that’s okay too. No one has all the answers in life, and that’s okay. Don’t pressure yourself to fit into one label or another, that’s just trying on different styles of clothes that all don’t fit. Give yourself time to figure life out and don’t stress about the unknown. There are so many people that, if they aren’t in your life now, they will be, who love you and support you.
HCXO,
Becca