There is always a point at the beginning of a romantic relationship when you are tearing through your closet and trying to find something perfect to wear to go and see him or her. Or the feeling of butterflies overcomes you while you are waiting for a date. There is a sense of mystery and excitement when you don’t know what is going to come next and you don’t know what the person’s next actions will be, as you are on a journey to figure each other out and learn more about one another. The entirety of the relationship is new, enriching, and almost intoxicating. You both feel as if you are on top of the world and that this person is the best thing in your life. You both are inseparable and there is a certain amount of harmony that allows you to agree on everything. What I am describing here can otherwise be known as the honeymoon phase.
I remember when I used to be like this with my boyfriend. I would count down the days when I would be seeing him (which would most likely just be the next day). I would try to perfect my hair and makeup and always wear my best outfits. We would go out to dinner, movies, and other fun activities and it was definitely new and exciting. My boyfriend and I have been friends since we were fifteen and started dating in our junior year of high school. It is safe to say that we went through our own period of a honeymoon phase. Our relationship was all about light-hearted fun, pet names, exciting dates, and feeling giddy inside.
My boyfriend and I are no longer in the honeymoon phase.
In a way, you may feel bad for us because of me saying this, but this does not in any way make me upset. We are not in the honeymoon phase, but we are past it. We have had our share of ups and downs and arguments, but in the end, it has just made us stronger. He is not just my boyfriend to me now, but he has grown to be my best friend. Our dates are now usually us getting snacks and watching a movie at home, cooking for one another, listening to music, or just laying in bed and talking and laughing together.
I no longer get nervous or anxious when I am going to see him. Instead, there is a sense of comfort instead. I no longer worry about what he may think of me when I vent to him. Instead, I know I can run to him with any problems I may have. While it was amazing getting to know him and learning new things every day, now we are learning about ourselves together. Each day we are choosing to grow together and actively learn more every single day.
I am happy about where my boyfriend and I are. We have gone through so much together and it has brought us closer and has given us the opportunity to become stronger. While being in the honeymoon phase, it is almost as if everything is on the surface. It feels good, so it looks good. After being out of the honeymoon phase, it has allowed our relationship to go to a deeper level. I was scared when I first felt the honeymoon phase wearing off, but now I am so thankful for what I have with my boyfriend.
While I was in the honeymoon phase, I noticed that I kept a lot of things to myself. I have always been a very private person and was not used to sharing myself with others. I felt as if I was burdening him if I told him my troubles, and I did not want to feel as if I was ‘ruining’ the lovey-dovey relationship we had. Now, looking back, I wish I would have opened up to him sooner. I tell my boyfriend absolutely everything now and he is a breath of fresh air. I have never been used to sharing my troubles and emotions with others but I know that I can go to him and practically word vomit about anything. It is very relieving to unload the weight I carry with me and know that someone cares and will be there for me.
Another big thing for me that I have found happened after leaving the honeymoon phase was the emergence of trust. I have been able to completely trust another person and fully allow myself to be vulnerable with him. I remember while I was in the honeymoon phase I kept a lot to myself and held boundaries. Our relationship is still fun, we still have exciting dates, we still have pet names for one another, but it is built on a foundation of deep trust and love that we have built together over the years.
Being in the honeymoon phase can seem as if the two people in the relationship have become one. This is most likely why the couple becomes inseparable and “lovey-dovey.” I believe that this is true for the beginning of the relationship, but as the relationship progresses, the couple can learn how to “independently” be in a commitment to each other. It is important to not lose your individuality while in a relationship and to not lose who you are. My boyfriend does not help me be a better person, he helps me be the best version of myself. My boyfriend amplifies my best qualities and allows me to be happy with who I am. I am not looking to be changed and I am not looking to change him. We have chosen to love each other for who we are and we will continue to do so as we watch each other grow. So, as nice as the honeymoon phase is, I would take my current relationship over it any day.
And don’t get me wrong, being out of the honeymoon phase has not changed the way he looks at me :)
HCXO, Kasidy