My best guy friend recently kissed me (first time) & hinted at doing sexual things “just for fun.” But, he respected my “no” to sex. Does this suggestion mean he likes me or am I just the easiest “lay” option, because we already know each other?
Bri: From the sounds of it, he might be looking for a friends with benefits sort of situation. He could be into you, but I’m guessing if he’s hinting at sexual things for fun, he’s looking for more. I’d say talk to him about it, don’t make assumptions. You know what they say about that. It makes an ass out of you & me.
Robbie: It sounds like a friends with benefits situation. It seems like there’s a mutual attraction between the both of you, but you might not be feeling it in quite the same way that he is. Saying he sees you as the “easiest lay option” is a bit presumptuous, almost as if you think he doesn’t respect you. Take some time to think it through and decide what you want, then talk about the whole situation with him. Maybe then you both will be able to come to some sort of compromise about how far you want to take things, or just be friends and not doing anything physically.
I just started dating this new guy, but he’s still really close to his ex who he dated for a really long time. Should I be worried?
Bri: I wouldn’t worry about it. I’m really close with all my ex’s (for the most part). I’m really big on keeping people in my life and not burning bridges; you never know when you’ll need to cross those again. That being said, maybe speak up if it bothers you, so he knows. I dated a guy for two years, and we didn’t speak for a few months after we broke up, but now we’re still close. He was my best friend for two years, I didn’t see a reason for us to not be friends even though we broke up.
Robbie: I don’t think so. He’s with you now and not her for a reason. Like Bri said, it’s never a good thing to burn a bridge because you never know when you’ll need it again. A couple can break up and, in a couple of months or a couple of years, be friends again. That time apart is usually for each party to get their acts together and move on. It’s more than likely that the two of them took their time apart, and realized in the end that they’re better off just as friends. If they’re hasn’t been any sort of shady behavior on either of their parts, then there’s nothing to be worried about.
My boyfriend of a year and I have been best friends and soul mates since we met. The last month he’s been rather distant and I’ve been putting my all into the relationship due to fear that he is falling out of love. I keep asking and he keeps saying he still is. I told him we need a break because I’ve been putting so much effort in for someone who isn’t putting any in. Really I think I was hoping he’d beg for me back. He said sure, I cried all night. Saw him today and asked how he has been taking it. He said hes pretty blank and indifferent. That hurt. Finally I asked if he loved me. He said, “After yesterday I was feeling pretty weird. I don’t know if I do.” We never fought, he’s still a genuine guy, and suddenly he doesn’t know if he loves me. I’ve been thinking about what to say if he approaches me. I gathered all of the letters he’s written me and a letter talking about how it’s a shame something so beautiful had to be destroyed. Do you think I should give it to him and end it once and for all? Or should I wait for him to come back after giving him space?
Bri: Maybe you both need to sit down and have an honest conversation with each other. It sounds as though there’s a lot of miscommunication going on. I’ve been in your shoes before and sometimes our heads can blow things out of proportion. Is he really not trying at all anymore, or does it just seem that way? He might be blank towards the whole situation because he’s not sure how to feel; you told him you wanted a break out of nowhere, he’s probably putting up a guard so he doesn’t get hurt and he’s probably trying his best to accept the matter. I don’t think he’s just given up caring, I think he’s just hurt and trying to figure out his feelings towards you and about the whole situation in general.
Robbie: I’ve sort of been in his shoes before in a sense that I wasn’t putting my all into my relationship. Sometimes you don’t realize it or how much its hurting your significant other, then, when they confront you about it, you feel as though you really let them down. It’s a terrible feeling. Some people deal with that feeling differently though. Some guys apologize and do whatever they can to fix it, and others just shut down emotionally/put a guard up. This emotional shutdown can sometimes be a defense mechanism for their own feelings, or just a way for guys to not deal with the problems they created. It would be best to just sit down face to face, and have you guys get all of your feelings out there on the table. No letters filters friends facebook phones or anything to hide behind in general. And when you guys talk, try to encourage him to talk first. In doing that, a lot of questions will be answered. From there you guys could either work through it and eventually get back together, or just stay friends. At least you know that if you don’t get back together, you’ll at least have the closure you need to move on.