I just broke up with my boyfriend of one year. We ended things mutually. I’ve been coping well even though it’s hard. I don’t contact him in any way, but every time he contacts me I feel like I take a step backwards and I start to miss him. What do I do?
Robbie: Given the emotional attachment you two had, I understand that it’s tough to not go back to your old feelings and start to miss him. Like with any break up, its best to carry on with your life and find something new that doesn’t remind you of your ex. It also helps to find a new book or a new band, or just spend more time with your friends. If none of those things work and you still get those feelings whenever he contacts you, then maybe you need to sit him down and explain to him how you feel. From there, you could ask him to not contact you for a while. Don’t be mean about it. Try to phrase it in a way that let’s him know that its what you need to move on, but, when you’re ready to be friends and talk again, you’ll come to him. If he cares that much about you, he’ll understand where you’re coming from. There will come a time where you begin to just miss having him around as a friend, but thinking about him won’t make you sad in any way. That’s when you know you’re ready to have him back in your life.
Bri: Coming from someone who was literally just in this position, the biggest piece of advice I can give you is this: Delete him from your Facebook (assuming you have a Facebook). It’s been said by every magazine out there, but it honestly does a world of wonder. I didn’t think it would, but it helped me a lot. Think about it: you’re constantly seeing his updates, you’re constantly seeing what he’s up to and you probably don’t realize it, but you’re spending a lot of time “creeping” his page. Not to mention if you delete him, it’s harder for him to get a hold of you. He might ask why you did it, just tell him it’s for your best interest right now if you two are not speaking and you’re not seeing what he’s up to every 15 minutes.
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So, I’m bisexual and I am kinda on the down low about it sometimes. My family doesn’t know and we are Christians. Do you think it would be a good idea to tell them? And what kind of things can I do out here to be active in my sexuality?
Robbie: Here at Millersville, there’s a club you can check out and become a part of to be more active in your sexuality. It’s called Allies, and it’s run by students as well as several faculty advisers. Their next event is on October 20, 2011 at the SMC Multipurpose Room at 10pm. They’re showing a film called “Out at Work”. I think that would be a good place to start.
As far as your family is concerned, have they expressed how they feel about bisexuality or homosexuality? If not, you might want to try gauging that. Casually mention to them something about “a friend” that you have or just made that is gay or bisexual, and see what they say. Whether or not they respond positively to the scenario, I believe you should tell them. As their child, they will love you and accept you for who you are. It wouldn’t be very Christian of someone to reject or judge a person because of their sexuality, especially if that someone is your family or child.
Bri: I’d agree with Robbie on this one when it comes to your family situation. Mention that a friend thinks they might be gay, or bring up a pop culture event that has happened involving homosexuality. Not all Christians are against homosexuality and they might end up being totally accepting of your lifestyle! If they are against it, maybe tread lightly and think really hard about how important to you it is that they know. There’s a time and place for everything and maybe that’s what you might need to wait for to tell them.
On Campus there is a LGBT organization, MU Allies. They meet every Wednesday at 9pm in McComsey 202. They do a lot with issues that affect the homosexual community. Actually Out Week is this week or next, I believe (I saw a flyer on my way to the Mac Lab this morning). Joining Allies would be a great way to meet others who may be in the same position as you; you could always get their opinion on what to do! They’re probably the best people to go to.
So, I was wondering what things I could do to get more involved with my sexuality on campus here? Are there any clubs and if so do you know when they meet?
Robbie: Millersville does have a LGBTQIA club on campus that is run by students and faculty advisers. It’s called Allies, and their office is located in the Center for Student Involvement and Leadership in the SMC (adjacent to the atrium near the info desk). They’re having a meeting on October 20 at 10pm in the SMC Multipurpose Room. They’re showing a film called “Out At Work”. I think that would be a great place to get started and to meet people who want to be more open about their sexuality.
Bri: I think Robbie covered this one pretty well. MU Allies also has an “Out Week” which I believe is this coming week if I read the posters right.
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I have/had a friend that I thought was a best friend. We recently got into a fight and they stopped talking to me. They say they care about me but they do not want to talk to me to try to fix things. What should I do?
Robbie: I think you should take a step back, and give them some time to be mad. I know it hurts and you want to make things right again, but some people just need time to deal with things in their own way. If you can arrange it, have a talk with them and let them know that you want to make things right and be best friends again, but that you’re willing to give them their space and let them deal with the situation in their own way if that’s what they need. Let them know that you care about them and that you’re sorry for the way things went down (I’m sure you have already, but still its always good to say those things). If they want to deal with the situation in a different way, be willing to compromise with them somehow.
Bri: Well, if they don’t want to fix things, there must be a reason for this. Why did you get into the fight in the first place? Was it different views on a subject or a simple misunderstanding? They might really do care about you but for personal reasons might not be able to fix things at this moment in time. I’d wait it out. Just sit and wait for them to talk to you or try to make things work. You can put in all the effort you want but that might not make a difference at all. Just wait it out.