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Miami’s John Tucker

We’ve all met him. He’s the guy that isn’t afraid to tell you that you look damn good while you’re out partying with your girls in Sandbar. He’s the guy that doesn’t ask for your number. Instead, he takes it or suavely gets it from your friends. He’s forward, dangerously good looking, and when you mention his name to other girls around campus they smile or laugh awkwardly because secretly they’ve already been through what you are about to go through.
 The movie “John Tucker Must Die,” released in 2006, is a fictional yet unbelievably realistic film that tells the story of threegirls who band together with the intention of breaking the heart of a manipulative yet charming basketball Star named John after they learn he has been secretly dating all three of them. Since the movie’s release, girls everywhere have continuously fallen victim to the John Tuckers of our generation. The signs are there screaming at you with bright neon letters yet they are ignored in the hopes that maybe this guy will be different than all the rest. “I want to be the girl that changes him” you say to your friends when they warn you to stay away. “I know what everyone else says, but I need to find out for myself. Everyone deserves a second chance and people can change you know.”

Too many times have these exact words been said. Well, let’s face it ladies no matter how many times you try to change him, you always are the one who ends up either embarrassed, hurt, or upset. It’s time to change things. It’s time to stop being stubborn, to straighten up, grab a pen, some paper and take notes on the key signs. It’s time to untuck the Tucker.

  1. “Hey baby, what are you up to?” This text message hits your inbox and you catch yourself smiling inside and acting all giddy because he is calling you baby.  Stop it. Chances are…actually it’s 99% certain that if he’s calling you babe or baby or some kind of name OTHER than yours that he’s doing it so he doesn’t mix up your name with the seven other girls he’s currently texting. In fact, all seven of you probably just got the same text at once. Ah, the beauty of mass texting.
  2. You guys are texting nonstop, 24/7, all day erry day. Yeah, we get the picture. But then when YOU want to initiate the hangouts, your texts never get a response. Oh, and what about when you see him at the Rat? You smile and call his name and he looks at you and then awkwardly looks away? Stop telling yourself that he must not have heard you. Stop lying to yourself that he didn’t see you because he did. He noticed you before you even noticed him, but because he is who he is, public interaction is reserved for when there is no one else around…kind of defeats the purpose don’t you think?
  3. When you ask him what his game is and he tells you that he has none and is “actually a nice guy,” that is your cue to laugh in his face and walk away. For some reason this line works EVERY time. A bad guy will tell you he’s a nice guy and will fake it up until the point where you give it up and you all know what “IT” I’m referring too. That “IT”, that magical, beautiful card that was bestowed upon you when the doctor said to your parents “it’s a girl” is his only motivation. The faster you give that up, the faster he leaves. A nice guy in this situation…well… do those even exist anymore?
  4. He tells you how special you are and that you deserve to be treated the right way. He takes you out to South Beach, on a romantic walk, and even gives you his jacket to wear when the Miami air starts to get nippy. I’ll bet you didn’t notice that at the restaurant, he knew what to order and he seemed to even know your waitress. The “walk” he took you on? He knew exactly where to go, where to sit and even the best place to watch the sunset. The jacket he gave you to wear? He probably took that back the moment he dropped you off. If you haven’t noticed a budding trend then let me spell it out for you: You are not the only one that this has happened to even though you are probably telling yourself that if he only wanted to hookup why would he take you to a nice dinner in South Beach? Newsflash: South beach is only twenty minutes from campus-its not THAT big of a deal to wine and dine down there.
  5. He tells you that you guys should just be friends because he doesn’t want to ruin what you guys have. But you guys never hang out or talk unless you initiate it. Newsflash? He’s secretly been talking to someone else,  but he still wants to keep you around as an insurance policy in case he doesn’t get from her what he already knows he can get from you.
  6. Lastly, if he’s in a frat, chances are he’s a John Tucker…period.

So my little Cane’s gals, I hope you at least remember ONE of these six tips. Believe me when I say that there are a thousand and one more situations where an interaction between you and a Tucker might occur. These were just the some of the more universal signs. Stop your tears, put away the ice cream, calm down and remember: the less you want him, the more he’ll pursue you. Ironic how these Miami boys work huh? 

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