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What NOT To Wear Uptown

The past couple of weekends in Oxford have been dedicated to sororities’ and fraternities’ Mom’s Weekends. And amongst the mother’s, there were whispers as they strolled through Uptown on Friday night, “Do people actually wear that?” “That” referring to the numerous questionable outfits that girls bust out on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. After being avid watchers of 10 seasons of TLC’s “What Not To Wear,” Stacy London and Clinton Kelly have taught us a thing or two. After attending Miami University, we like to think that our style has changed for the better, though we still love to rock a pair of UGGS every now and then. So throw out that mini hot pink skirt you rocked at New Bar your freshmen year and get ready to follow these five fashion guidelines.

When it’s -20 degrees outsideThe Polar Vortex really killed our motivation to go out, but to trying to wear anything Uptown other than a parka, sweatpants, and snow boots is crazy. We’re telling you that when it’s 0 degrees out, you gotta wear the parka. It’s not necessary to wear a dress and heels, ladies. It’s okay to wear a jacket everyone now and then, especially in the dead of winter.

Instead of this:

 

Try this:

You’re not going to the sixth grade danceJean skirt. UGGS. Pink North Face. You know that was the go-to “hot” outfit circa middle school when all you wanted to do was slow dance with John Ryan from your homeroom. Anything that you owned before 2007, you probably shouldn’t wear out anymore. We cringe when we look at middle school photos. Why is that the most awkward phase for everyone on the planet and why would you want to re-live that? Props to you if you can still fit you’re your Abercrombie & Fitch flare jeans, but I hate to tell you that you should probably ditch them for a pair of dark, skinnies.

 

Instead of this:

Try this:

It’s not the prom either….There’s nothing better than a Friday or Saturday night in jeans, booties and a comfy sweater. You are not only super comfortable, but it looks super cute, too. Anyone who reps a full on evening gown at Brick Street, when it’s not a date party, you’ve gotta think twice. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for a cute day-drinking sundress but keep the cocktail dresses at home…. you know that it will just get destroyed Uptown anyways. Forever 21 and Tobi were invented for a reason.

 

Instead of this:

 

Try this:

Did you get attacked by a bear?We all have that one friend who tends to not own or wear a whole shirt. We own plenty of open back tops and dresses, but when there are holes in the front and back, it just looks like you wandered off in the Western Campus woods and were attacked by a bear. So keep the holes to a minimum— either jeans, back of the top or front of the top, just not all three. Though there’s nothing a great Free People bandeau can’t fix. That we’re all for.

Instead of this:

 

Try this:

 

 

 

Miami University Student Alpha Phi Chicago, IL sheak@miamioh.edu
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