I guess I was destined to be more comfortable hanging around guys than girls, and I can probably thank my dad for that. My dad had started me out at t-ball and bowling when I was five or six. From there, I learned to ski, and moved on to volleyball, basketball, soccer, track, and snowboarding. I guess from all the sports and working out, (and probably from being burned a few times by girls), I grew accustomed to the chill environment guys had to offer over the dramatic and clique-y atmosphere of girls. Unfortunately, this decision of mine has been both a blessing and a curse.
Back in elementary school, I became close friends with a guy who was “dating” a girl that I had thought was one of my friends. Looking at it from her perspective, I suppose it had seemed like I was trying to steal her boyfriend, but seeing as how I had never had a boyfriend before, I simply thought that I had been building a friendship with a guy who I enjoyed being around more than girls. My best friend Chris was also friends with him, so I was pretty content spending my time with two boys who were funny, entertaining, and most importantly, enjoyed being around me, too.
Unfortunately, the girl I knew did not see it that way. When asked if it was cool that I was friends with her boyfriend, she’d smile and nod and play it off like it meant nothing. I’m sure we all can figure out what happened next. After a while, I started hearing things from people; rumors were being spread around saying that I was a bitch… and the rumors were supposedly started by this girl and a couple of her friends.
I never understood this, and at the time I had thought the reason these rumors existed was because I was a loser and girls just didn’t like me. I’ll never know for sure, but looking back on it now, I’ve wondered why this girl thought it was necessary to say these things about me. Was she just being defensive?
Thinking about this led me to a time in fifth grade when I had said some horrible things about a girl that I had been friends with. I believe I had said something about her looks, and called her a nerd or geek. Word got around that I had said these things, and it really hurt her feelings and ultimately ended our friendship.
I felt guilty for saying what I did, and did not like myself for being that ugly and selfish, but the reason I said what I did was because I was jealous. She was confident in herself, comfortable in her own skin, and a lot smarter than I was, and I envied her of these things, so I tried to put her down to make myself feel better.
It seems to me that we can always find something to envy a girl for. Maybe one of your friends can dance better than you can, or another girl you know can easily flirt with any boy she meets, while your flirting is choppy, cliche, and leaves you feeling like a dork.
In my case back in seventh grade, it was that I was able to be friends with boys more easily than other girls could. Maybe the girl was feeling a bit defensive about it, but I’ve realized that being friends with boys doesn’t mean that I’m a bitch or a bad person. It’s just who I am.
Even today I seem to have trouble finding a good group of girl friends that I can go out with. I think about what it would be like to have sleepovers with some girl friends, watch movies and eat ice cream, and just have some girl bonding time. Not having these things sometimes makes me think that there is something wrong with me.
But when I am sitting around with my boyfriend and his friends, just watching the Stanley Cup playoffs, or when my friend Kevin and I are just hanging out back home, teasing each other and having a good time, I realize that I don’t want all those things I mentioned above. What I really want is exactly what I have right in front of me.
Whatever makes you different, don’t shy away from it. Embrace it. If you’re the only girl playing soccer with a bunch of boys, then live it up. If you have been called a nerd or geek, just embrace it. Nerds are cool! Realize that the people who put you down for the one thing that makes you who you are are not worth your time, and believe it or not, they probably envy you for it!
Fun fact: One of my favorite ways to forget about homework is to go to the gym with my boyfriend and jump in on a pick up soccer game. It’s the best stress reliever…and seeing the guys’ shocked faces when I can push back is fun, too!
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Miami (OH) chapter.