2014 sucked. I want to go ahead and take that back and say there were happy times. I traveled to Germany, was a part of the press at the Michelle Obama press conference at St. Jude, and made plenty of really great friendships. It was an accomplishing year but I was so unsatisfied. Why? I had all these good things happening in my life, but I just felt empty. I also felt selfish for feeling empty. Mainly, I felt like I was mentally suffering and struggling internally. But don’t worry this isn’t a sad story. Happy endings do exist.
I had become so wrapped up in my work and feared I was letting everyone down. I was constantly stressed and worried over friendships, social media in all aspects, and what people thought about me. It was draining, and the stress was accumulating. I was drowning in work and hating myself for it. I had taken on too much. I let every word that hit me sting, and then I let it sit there. I looked in the mirror thinking, “Who are you?” The person looking back didn’t have the fire in their eyes that once existed.
Don’t Stress Over the Things You Can’t Control
I’ve always stressed over the nonexistent and let it get the best of me. I can assure you NOTHING good comes out of this. Let it be, let it go, and let the cards fall as they may. Relax, its just life. We have no control over people’s opinions, the words that are said that hurt us, or life’s situations that knock us down. What we can control is how we respond to it.
Everyone You Meet is Fighting Their Own Type of Battle
This isn’t a cliché. Honestly, this quote here is what has gotten me through it all. This simple saying is so easily forgotten. It took countless conversations with friends over coffee until I realized that everyone you meet really is fighting their own type of battle. There were stories shared of broken hearts, family problems, friendship issues, and those that were entirely internal. Their stories struck me hard. They stayed with me and I carried them around wherever I went.
It’s amazing to me how a conversation can change everything. Even a few tears help from keeping all of your problems inside. What if we talked about what we were going through instead of taking on the battle ourselves? Two people would be bettered by the situation to know they are not alone. We are meant as friends to be there for each other. Conversation is good. Sharing feelings is great.
Others have been through much worse than I have, and I am very aware that my struggles are nothing in comparison to those. I have a supportive family and loving friends in my life. This story contains my internal thoughts and life situations and are by no means easier or harder than anyone else’s.
The Happy Stuff
I finally felt true happiness again. I had been reading a book called “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” to help me dissect what not to freak out about. I started mediating and doing yoga. I began to focus on living in the present and not forcing myself to find happiness. Once I took off all of the pressure, things began to improve. It wasn’t until I went on Spring Break last week that I can say I felt happy. I knew I was happy when I was lying on the beach and everything in that moment seemed rich. I was present in it fully, and I was thankful for where I was. I was thankful for the journey, the hardships, and my entire battle. My happiness was not derived off of a text message, a person, or a work accomplishment. I was happy all on my own.