If I were to describe the month of November with one verb, it would be “stuck.” You are not at the finish line yet to start thinking about New Year’s resolutions. However, you are past the halfway point to reflect on how well you are accomplishing your goals. This got me thinking about why we assign specific times of the year to self-improvement and reflection. Why do we go on with our everyday lives engaging in habits and actions we know do not align with our personal goals for growth and development?
I am sure everyone has seen TikToks, YouTube videos, and Instagram posts about the importance of reflection through means such as journaling. Recently, however, while speaking to my mother about this topic, she explained the three Rs framework: realization, reflection and redemption. She explained that if she were to see a problem in a certain aspect of her life, she would go through those three steps. Let’s delve into each:
- Realization
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The true first step to change is acknowledgment. You can’t solve a problem without realizing there is an issue in the first place. If you ever feel unsatisfied or like your life doesn’t seem to be going the way you want it to, you need to sit down and identify where the issue stems from. A recommendation I have is either use a piece of paper or a device like your phone or computer to split your life into different categories: education or career, relationships, friendships, health, wellness, etc. From there, you can begin to examine where contributors to your unhappiness lie.
- Reflection
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The next step to acknowledging a problem that exists in your life is to reflect on the problem and possible solutions. Let’s say you are unhappy with certain friendships in your life as you feel you are neglecting social time in your life. From here, you can begin to ask yourself questions that will allow you to peel off layers of the issue. You can ask yourself: Am I setting enough time for friends? Do I check in with my friends? Is there a way I can incorporate social time into my daily or weekly schedule?
- Redemption
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The last step in this framework is redemption. Once you’ve reflected on the problem and come up with potential solutions, the hardest step comes along: implementing it into practice. We can always say we will do something, but the hard part is getting up and actually doing it. It takes a certain discipline to practice what you preach. However, an integral part of this process is redeeming yourself in your own eyes. You are the one who came to the realization that change is necessary and you are the one who took the time to think of solutions. You owe it to yourself to instill this solution in your life and make that change for your personal growth and development.
As much as we would like to say we do not have time to continuously reflect on our actions, thoughts, emotions, and goals, we truly do make time for the things we care about. If you feel unhappy with your life, you are the only one who can make the executive decision to help yourself. Whether you use the three Rs mechanism or whatever model fits your lifestyle, I urge you to continuously reflect no matter what time of the year it is. Whether you journal, see a therapist, talk to your mom or friends, or even think to yourself, keep pondering. As ironic as it seems, the only way to grow as a human being is to look inward before doing anything outward. So from time to time, look in the mirror—not physically but internally. Are you happy with who you are and how you live your life today? If not, what will you do to change that?