As Valentine’s Day approaches, I thought I’d share my impressions of Sally Rooney’s Normal People and how it changed my outlook on romantic love and illuminated all of its complexities that I hadn’t yet considered. Until recently, I thought about love in a pretty narrow-minded way. To me, true love meant remaining alongside someone no matter what, simply because you love them. I have no doubt my belief stems from a culture that portrays love as a perfectly balanced give-and-take and an emotional commitment that can withstand anything and everything- no matter how difficult.
Before I proceed, a fair warning that this article is one massive spoiler and is intended for those who have already watched the series or read the novel. If you haven’t done either, click away before it’s too late! Now back to my thoughts…
After having been a victim of this heart wrenching story, I now see love in a completely different light. Specifically, I came to the realization that sometimes releasing someone from your life can be the most romantic ending to some love stories— and I certainly believe this to be true for Marianne and Connell. The most moving aspect of Marianne and Connell’s story is the way they seamlessly weave in and out of each other’s lives. The two belonged to the same circle of friends throughout their high school and university years and seemed to be inextricably tethered to one another, despite new lovers and various unforeseen obstacles. Being in love equips you with a sort of mutual understanding that is unique to every couple.This mutual understanding is sometimes only illuminated subsequent to the dissolution of a relationship. As the story (so painfully) demonstrates, it’s not the same with anybody else- and I think that’s the most excruciating lesson of Normal People. Despite Marianne and Connell’s troubled relationship that was exhausted by miscommunication, it was and never will be like it was with anybody else.
Normal People ends with a sort of relinquishment that kept me awake for the entire night the same evening I finished the story. Marianne encourages Connell to take advantage of the opportunity he is offered in New York and the two mutually decide to part ways. Initially, I was both heartbroken and frankly, filled with rage. After the two had finally reached a comfortable place in their relationship, after years of on and off, they decided to go their separate ways. I soon reminded myself that it is in their nature to support the other, as they have throughout the entire narrative- whether they were together or separated. Sometimes, love needs time (be it days, months or even years) or a complete downfall before it can be cultivated into something that will last. My assumption (and coping mechanism) is that Marianne and Connell will eventually find their way back to each other as they always have. It was certainly not something that could’ve faded, gone unreciprocated and forgotten- as I think we all feared from the beginning. Rather, they had something special for a time, and recognized that there was an opportunity beyond the two of them that was worth pursuing, and that it did not have to diminish what they have.