Disclaimer: This article contains spoilers for the book Conversations with Friends by Sally Rooney
Out of the 22 books I read last year, one still stands out to me in 2023. This book is none other than Sally Rooney’s Conversations with Friends. If I’m being completely honest, I had put off reading this book for a while. I had put it on my TBR list since early last year when I read Rooney’s Normal People. Despite being Rooney’s debut novel, Conversations with Friends hasn’t gained as much attention on online book communities such as BookTok or Bookstagram.
While I adore this novel and often stay up late thinking about it, I do caution people when recommending it. Thus, I’m taking the opportunity here to give a trigger warning for anyone wanting to read the novel for depictions of self-harm and mentions of sexual abuse/violence.
Essentially the story centres around best friends (and ex-girlfriends) Frances and Bobbi who are college students in their twenties. They meet and become friends with a semi-famous couple in their 30’s, writer-photographer Melissa and actor Nick. The book details the four’s evolving and ever-complicating relationships with one another.
Whenever there is talk of Sally Rooney, there is always debate about her writing style. While some people critique and disregard her ‘bare-bones’ writing style, I rather enjoy it. This novel feels very raw and authentic to me, and I believe this emotional aspect is amplified by this type of writing. There is beauty in the simplicity she employs to articulate human experience.
Whether you like her minimalistic style or not, one thing is for sure, Sally Rooney knows her audience, which is young women. As a bisexual woman about to turn 20, there is a lot in the novel that hits home for me. The novel touches upon ideas and themes such as the navigation of identity, the wanting to be loved, the power dynamics involved in relationships, and the difference and shift between platonic and romantic relationships.
So, now that you know a little more about my thoughts on this book, here are 5 quotes from Conversations with Friends that left me devastated:
1. “But the acclaim also felt like part of the performance itself, the best part, and the most pure expression of what I was trying to do, which was to make myself into this kind of person: someone worthy of praise, worthy of love.”
Devastation Rating: 6/10
2. “I thought about all the things I had never told Nick about myself, and I started to feel better then, as if my privacy extended all around me like a barrier protecting my body.”
Devastation Rating: 6.5/10
3. “Is it possible we could develop an alternative model of loving each other?”
Devastation Rating: 7.5/10
4. “Suffering wouldn’t make me special and pretending not to suffer wouldn’t make me special. Talking about it, or even writing about it, would not transform the suffering into something useful. Nothing would.”
Devastation Rating: 9/10
5. “You underestimate your own power, so you don’t have to blame yourself for treating other people badly.”
Devastation Rating: I don’t know a number high enough/10