I never meant to fall in love with her. I don’t know when or how, but I somehow fell–hard. I don’t know what aspects about her made me realize she was worth giving my heart too, but I saw something. I saw something inside of her that she has yet to see in herself: the love she deserves.
There is so much about her that made my heart scream “yes” and my head echo “please.” They both craved her in the most innocent of ways. They craved her attention, the sight of her smile, the sound of her laugh, the glow of her eyes and the simple conversations. I craved her attention and her touch, not her touch on my skin but her touch on my heart. She made me feel things I had thought I would never feel again.
She says she can’t love me back but I never asked for that. I don’t need to be loved by her, I just need her, nothing more and, my God, nothing less. In her head, she doesn’t think she’s worthy of the way I feel, she says that I deserve better. I look at that text and all I feel is confusion. Better? Better than her? In what world does better than her exist because I know it’s not this one.
They say my heart is too big for my own good and I can’t say they’re wrong. My heart is filled with her and I don’t want it any other way. She became everything I ever wanted in this life, however, she doesn’t want to trust that.
Her head says one thing but she says her heart says another. Why can’t she just let her heart win? I can prove those voices wrong as long as she lets me. She is everything she thinks she isn’t, if only I could prove that to her. She tells me she would rather me not wait for her, but that’s exactly what I’m going to do anyways. She is all I want and more, but she thinks she is less than everything I tell her she is. I want so badly to allow her into my mind for a day so she can think of herself the way I think of her. Then, the hate would be replaced with love.
I once hated her too, until I got to see her for who she is rather than what my assumptions perceived her to be. If she could only see herself the way I do, she would have no problem loving every piece of who she is. My God, I would go the end of the world and back just to put a smile on her beautiful face. It pains me to know she genuinely does not think she is good enough. It pains me to know she is struggling so much that she has to leave something that makes her happy because she doesn’t think she deserves it.
How is she ever going to love herself if she keeps allowing her head to alter the truth about who she is as a person? I can love her enough for the both of us. I will love her on her good days and I will love her on her bad days. I will love her through the darkness and I will love her through the light. This should push me away, it should force me to walk away but I am standing my ground. My feet are plastered and I am not going anywhere. Her storm will not break me down. Her storm will not defeat me, I will stand strong through it all. I will not let the storm blow me away.