I will never forget the moment I fell in love with the most exquisite individual.
It was the glow in her eyes. The warmth of her smile. The sound of her laugh. I came to love everything about her, though it was her mind was what I grew to love the most; it had a way of always leaving me wishing for more.
She was different from everyone I had ever met. She was wise beyond her years and always chased her dreams. She had this way of always knowing what was best for her. Once she had her mind set on something, there was no going back.
Her independence and self-love was so admirable and inspiring. I was always so curious about how her mind worked and what she was thinking about. A mind like hers needs to be active, at all times. A mind like hers never stays the same.
Her mind was the most incredible part about her, and I loved everything about it, until the day her mind became a knife that shattered my heart. Suddenly, the part of her I loved the most became my biggest nightmare. She began to doubt our relationship and without much notice, she slipped away.
And there was no going back; she had decided that this was not what was best for her. I learned so much from being in love with a girl like her, and here is what I learned:
The world is what you make of it
Before meeting her, I hated the world. I saw it as a place of pain and sorrow with so negativity.
Everywhere I looked (news, social media, school, etc.) there was always something tragic happening. Being with someone who saw the world as more than just the negative, I learned that the world is what we perceive of it. I was surrounded by toxin: the people I associated with to the environments I decided to put myself into. Which is why I thought the world was awful. She showed me the bigger picture, the better picture.
Beauty lies within
Before I found beauty deep within her, I thought beauty only pertained to looks. When I heard or thought of the word “beautiful” I associated it with nature and outward appearances. There is so much more to this word then what is portrayed by the media. A pretty face does not make a beautiful human. A pretty view does not make a beautiful moment. Beauty is found within someone. Her beauty was life changing. Views are pretty but it is the moment in which you are seeing the view that is beautiful. People are pretty, but their soul and mind are what makes them beautiful. You cannot see beauty with the naked eye. You must feel it with the beating heart.
Be grateful
At first, I wanted to take everything back from her. I wanted to go back and take away my relationship from her.
My head flooded with memories of the two of us, I would read conversations and think of all of the things I should have said instead. Everyday I would find another mistake, think of another “what if”. Though, I do not regret being in love. Being in love with someone like her, changed my life. I became such a better person being with her. When someone breaks your heart, when you shed those tears, be grateful. Be grateful that you were able to be with someone that made you feel that way.
They were worth all of the tears and pain you feel inside of your chest. Be grateful for every good moment you spent with them. Even though the memories hurt, at those times there was no place else you would rather have been. Be grateful for all for the memories that take over your head. Be grateful you were able to experience something so great.
Stay Strong
She is the polar opposite of me when it comes to feelings. I feel things so strongly and fully, where she does not. She has feelings and she cares so deeply about herself but her perspective is wiser and smarter than mine. When I feel pain I feel as if the world is coming to an end. I lose sight of everything around me. I admire her ability to carry on with her life and not letting anything hold her back.. It does not mean things are easy for her, but she knows life keeps going. She has taught me that it is okay to cry. It is okay to be upset and have bad days — bad weeks and bad months even. As long as you wake up every morning and try to get out of bed, then you are doing great. If some days you just can not find that energy to get out of bed, that is okay too. It is okay to not be okay.