It is that time of year again. By “that time of year” I am of course referring to the time when skeletons and pumpkins and pumpkin-themed spices of various kinds abound and everyone tipsily wanders the streets in minimal amounts of clothing despite the inclement weather. I personally don’t really “get” Halloween, as everyday is a chance for me to get dressed up in some ridiculous outfit, but I digress. This Halloween I plan on being a hyper-specific television reference that unless you watched Big Little Lies you may think I just rolled out of bed and showed up with no pants.
I hope that all of you have your costumes in order, and that people understand them. However, if dressing up and getting crazy this Halloween isn’t going to be your thing, a scary movie and a night in might do the trick (or treat). There are classic horror films and all of those Saw ones which I just refuse to see, but the movies that really put me in the spooky, Halloween mood are certainly the more non-traditionally scary ones. If you, too, are looking for something to get you in the spirit, without sitting through the same tedious horror schlock again, look no further than the following:
- Enemy
This premise hooked me right away: there are two Jake Gyllenhaals! Of course, this is only a daunting fantasy, but in this film by Denis Villeneuve it is made a reality. The loose plot of Enemy revolves around a man (Gyllenhaal) who realizes he has a doppelgänger out there who is trying to destroy his life. With hazy, orange-lit shots of Toronto, massive spiders, and a WTF-ending that will send you into hours scouring the web, Enemy is a twisty, psychologically frustrating experience that I wish I could experience for the first time again.
- Only Lovers Left Alive
If you told me that Tilda Swinton was actually a rock-and-roll vampire who was married to Tom Hiddleston (also a vampire), I would have no reason not to 100-percent believe you.
So, yeah, this movie is about a vampire duo who, despite living years apart, reunite in Detroit of all places and lament together about the current state of music and art. Although it is a movie about vampires, and bitten necks and bags of blood do make appearances, the real core of the film focuses on cultural elitism and snobbery. The supporting cast is also deliciously wonderful with Mia Wasikowska, the late Anton Yelchin, and the late John Hurt. Also, as I and so many already observed in his other work, Hiddles is so freaking proud of his body and there are several shirtless scenes, if you care for such things.
- Gone Girl
Amy Dunne is scarier than any monster or clown I could ever dream up. She is a personal hero and someone whom I hold intense and deep admiration for. I constantly tell my boyfriend that I wouldn’t hesitate for a second to “Gone Girl” him. (I love how “Gone Girl”-ing is now a verb.)
Anyways, Ben Affleck plays a dirt-bag husband, a real reach for him, who moves his wife to Missouri and cheats on her with a college student. She then disappears. This movie is over three years old, but I still won’t get anymore specific than that, as experiencing the plot twists for the first time is such fun.
It’s perfect for Halloween because like all David Fincher things (see: Mindhunter, Zodiac, The Social Network, etc.), everything is so dark and grey that your TV and eyes just won’t allow it to be watched with any amount of sunlight. The real horror aspect of this film is that they had a stunning brownstone walk-up in Manhattan that they had to sell.
Also, Carrie Coon deserved an Oscar for this movie and I will never stop being angry that she didn’t even get nominated.
- Okja
I love Bong Joon-ho so much; he is such a masterful and important director. This movie, which was produced with Netflix and got booed by the snobbish French cinema set at Cannes, highlights the horrors and atrocities of what goes into our manufactured meats.
If you aren’t already a vegetarian, this wild movie might just make you one. It is full of adventure, massive CGI creatures, heart, a fun soundtrack, and evil villains (in the form of twin Tilda Swinton(s) and Jake Gyllenhaal whose entire performance in this movie was a choice. Love you, Jake!).
- The Beguiled
A nineteenth-century southern gothic drama with Nicole Kidman, Colin Farrell, and Kirsten Dunst directed by Sophia Coppola: sign me the F up. Unlike the pulsating, sugary mess of The Bling Ring or the candy-coated confection of Marie Antoinette, this film is somber, sarcastic, slow-burning and equally as delicious as the other two. My only complaint is that I wish it were longer. I could watch all of these actors in stunning period costumes give each other furtive glances for hours.
It gets bloody and witch-y at the end, which is why it is the perfect late-October flick.
- The Lobster
I just mentioned Colin Farrell, so might as well throw this in while we’re here. I have discussed this movie maybe a hundred odd times in my other articles, and it remains at the top of my list of favourites. It is strange, uncomfortable, creepy, funny, and original. Please just watch it so I can shut up about it. Thanks.
- Melancholia
There is nothing scarier than the idea of the end of the world, is there? As part of his unofficially titled “Depression Trilogy,” Lars von Trier (problematic man that he is) followed up the incredibly disturbing Antichrist with a pretty goddamn depressing movie. To set the scene, there is a massive planet, Melancholia, set to collide with earth and thus bring about the end of times. Really fun stuff here.
- Crimson Peak
Definitely the most traditional horror movie on this list, Guillermo del Toro’s massively underrated gothic romance is one of the prettiest scary movies I’ve ever seen. The costumes are insanely amazing, as are the intricate and stunningly spooky sets. The trailers made this look like your typical haunted house movie, but it is mind-bending and wonderful in a way the marketing failed to capture. Jessica Chastain makes a meal of the material she’s given, and does way more than she has to with it… like she always does. Where is her Oscar, I ask? Also, Hiddleston gets naked in this one, too!
- Tale of Tales
I love a good fairy tale retelling as much as the next girl, and this one really does it for me. There’s Vincent Cassel being Vincent Cassel-y (sp.?), Salma Hayek eating a massive sea monster heart, and other bonkers Brothers Grimm style high-jinx. I love the costumes, the cleverness, and the crazy castles in this film. There is such thoughtful storytelling, that it doesn’t even have to be as pretty as it is. Watch this movie, if only for the heart eating scene.
- A Ghost Story
Warning: this is not a movie about ghosts! Do not be fooled by the title. This movie has absolutely zero to do with ghosts of any kind. Okay, good. Now that that is out of the way…
I loved this film. It is certainly a “thinker,” but wow. It is profound to me in a way that no movie has ever quite hit me before. It is methodic, slow, and has the most killer score and soundtrack. (“I Get Overwhelmed” by Dark Rooms will have you in tears.) It’s topic, the expansiveness of time and our place, or lack thereof, in the world, is unsettling and moving. Also, Rooney Mara eats pie for 10 minutes. Also also, she had never eaten pie before? Never change, Rooney.
- Personal Shopper
This movie was barely about shopping, and for that, I was fooled. It is really, really scary, to be honest. Kristen Stewart plays a woman whose deceased brother is contacting her from beyond the grave. And things. Get. Spooky!
- Prisoners
Denis Villeneuve is such a master, and demonstrates that with this movie. This thriller, starring Hugh Jackman and Jake Gyllenhaal, is fan-freaking-tastic.
Hugh Jackman plays a father whose child was recently abducted, and madness overcomes him in his quest to find her. There are rooms filled with live snakes and bloodied clothes, homemade torture showers, and Jake Gyllenhaal spastically blinking a lot. (The blinking was a choice.) Also, Emmy-award winner Viola Davis in a thankless role!
- Neon Demon
It is about cannibalistic models. There is a tiger living in a hotel room. Keanu Reeves is also there for some reason. This movie is insane.
- The Grand Budapest Hotel
This movie just looks so eatable, doesn’t it? Observe:
I love this movie so unabashedly. It is pure confectionary fun and joy. Ralph Fiennes is one of our greatest natural resources and we must treasure him forever. Put down those Reese’s cups and Kit-Kats. This visual candy will satisfy your sweet tooth.
Honorary Mentions & Genuine Halloween Things That Are Also Great:
- Any episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but especially “Hush”
- Any Halloween-themed episode of The Office
- The most specific Halloween episode of Mad Men (“The Gypsy and the Hobo” Season 3, episode 11) (Obligatory Jon Hamm reference. © 2017 Gabrielle Lee Gabauer)
- “Werewolf Bar Mitzvah” from 30 Rock
I hope my list has inspired you to think a little bit out of the box when it comes to your spooky film viewing.
Have a fabulous Halloween and happy watching! xx
images obtained from:
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https://media.giphy.com/media/Zv1Btz6qApgv6/giphy.gif, https://media1.tenor.com/images/2f7d27850a03c1bd34fad43e8b3278d7/tenor.gif?itemid=3500323, https://media.giphy.com/media/zNACIi2sMJ4uk/giphy.gif, https://media.giphy.com/media/3o7btV1prqiRUwHDeo/giphy.gif, http://www.vulture.com/2017/07/rooney-mara-never-tried-pie-until-last-year.html, http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/bjork-elaborates-on-danish-directors-alleged-sexual-assault-w509271., http://ugc.reveliststatic.com/gen/full/2017/02/06/17/9x/dg/php6f2dx4w2qbwe.gif, https://rm-content.s3-accelerate.amazonaws.com/581767d12d25fc119db73fe6/698087/upload-df0fad60-ea62-11e6-a0ed-87dfc88f4267.gif, https://media.giphy.com/media/DhIfTYhFMkhhu/giphy.gif,
https://media.giphy.com/media/ktYxPo8IFuzT2/giphy.gif, https://media.giphy.com/media/nY4fWynnSDaAo/giphy.gif, https://media.giphy.com/media/fU5mDeTspr8Na/giphy.gif, https://media.giphy.com/media/3o6ZsTksk5Jug1X7fa/giphy.gif, https://youtheman77.files.wordpress.com/2017/07/tumblr_osbks2tr5t1wrvqoz…