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To the one I thought would never hurt me…

I loved you… so much it hurt. I loved you so much that I was willing to give up everything to be with you and I thought you loved me so much that you would do the same. That was foolish of me. It took me a long time to realize it would never be the same for you. You would never give up anything to be with me. I changed everything about myself… for you because I was so frightened by the idea that you wouldn’t like me for the way I am.


I never thought you could or would hurt me. Why? Because you were my best friend. I knew what I was getting myself into the first time you kissed me, but at the same time I didn’t. For so long… I tried to please you. For so long… I apologized for things I never did. For so long… I was holding onto something that meant nothing to you. For so long… I let you get away with too much. Time after time, chance after chance, I finally realized something. You didn’t love me. You didn’t want to be with me. You liked the idea of me. You liked me because I was your comfort zone. And then I realized something about myself. You were my comfort zone… which is why I thought I could never leave you. I realized all that time I was holding onto the idea of the possibility of change. I was holding onto your unfulfilled promises, hoping one day you would finally fulfill them. I was holding onto hope. Then it hit me… there was no hope for us.


I realized I had more important things in my life to achieve than to be with someone who didn’t love me for who I was. I could sit here for days writing about the things you did, what you said, how much you hurt me and broke my heart. But I am not going to. Instead, I’m here to say thank you. Thank you for making me realize you truly need to love yourself before you can love someone else. Thank you for making me realize I deserve someone who will love me for me – flaws and all. There was once a time I thought you were my forever, but our relationship is nothing but a distant memory to me now and so are you.


“eventually the girl you took for granted will take her love and give it to herself and someday someone better than you will love her in all the ways you couldn’t” – r.h. Sin


Christiane Lowcher is a double major in Criminal Justice & Sociology at Marywood University. Christiane has been the Captain of the Women's Golf Team at Marywood for three years. She is a lover of food, Netflix, and makeup. She's just a girl who's figuring her life out day by day and living by her motto, "You just gotta be happy with your life!" Instagram: c_lowcher Twitter: clowcherr
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