This semester, I began an independent study with Dr. Otten, in which I am writing a self-improvement book on the topic of relationships. When we began this process, he requested that myself and another student involved take a spin through Barnes and Noble, and look for titles that stand out within the realm of our respective topics.
It was then that I discovered a book which I believe can change the perspective of the typical “nice girl,” and redefines the word “bitch.” It was Sherry Argov’s 2006 flirty, fun, and direct self-improvement book, Why Men Marry Bitches, her sequel to Why Men Love Bitches. I thought, “Oh my. I need to take a look at this one.” The title of the New York Times Bestseller began to haunt me, as I browsed around the store- because hey, I’m a nice girl.
Most of us associate the word “bitch” with a negative connotation. In her self-improvement book, women can figure out all of the mistakes they have been making with men. Argov presents a strategic way of approaching situations in your love life. A “bitch” in Sherry Argov’s eyes, is a woman who knows who she is and what she wants. She is not afraid to have standards for the way men treat her, and she will not let herself be any man’s push-over. Isn’t the word choice ironic, when you think of every popular culture rap video you’ve seen?! The “bitch” has strong communication skills in articulating herself, and most importantly? She is interesting. (i.e She is not perfect, and not trying to be perfect.)
One principle that Argov introduces is that you should be honest when a guy asks you, “Where do you want to eat?” or “What do you like?” The example she uses is that when a woman says, “I like whatever you like. I’m easy,” she becomes lame. It’s like he asked you what you liked, and you said whatever he likes?! Any woman who is “easy” is not interesting enough for a man to pursue. The takeaway from this scenario is that you should not try to be someone who is easy to date, and easy to get along with, and easy going, just for the sake of a guy liking you. Be yourself. Say, “I would love to grab sushi with you,” or “I could totally go for a burger right now. Thank you for asking. What a lovely person you are.”
As I continued to read this book, I realized why so many “nice girls” are single. A typical example for us college females is the scenario when a guy flakes on you, and how do you react? One-time mistakes can happen, but patterns are a problem. In my own life, I began to feel like I attracted flakey guys. I saw the pattern with multiple guys as they came and went, as I continued to hope for someone responsible. So, I was pleased to realize that my newer forms of damage control lined up with our girl Sherry. Argov has a solution, which is simple and straightforward. What do you do? You make other plans, as if you are not at his beck-and-call. (Because, of course, you are NOT.) You say, “My time is valuable. It would be totally fab if you gave me advance notice of a change. I’m going out with the girls tonight.” You can be both direct and a class act, and that is a good reason why being the person Argov defines as a “bitch” is not really being mean.
A major theme of Why Men Marry Bitches is how you handle situations. It says a lot about you. The ultimate goal is to outwardly project your standards to the guys you date. You do this subtly in your reactions as the relationship unfolds. So, this way, they know what’s cool and what’s totally uncool. They know what they can and can’t get away with as your guy. And chances are, if you are awesome, classy, and show you have self-respect, he will stick around a whole lot longer. What you can see in college is that a lot of girls give up their bodies to guys as if it’s no big deal. The guys may oblige, but remember, how seriously is he taking the “easy” girl? Wouldn’t you rather be his goddess than his momentary plaything? Hmm…
The eye-opener of Why Men Marry Bitches is that perfect does not exist and is not the ideal. Men don’t want perfect. Men want interesting. And, the more you try to be perfect, the more eager you are to please, which cultivates the ever-huge no-no- neediness. The more independent you are, the hotter you become by the second. This affirmed one of my own life mantras, which is: Always love yourself, and work on yourself. I say it in jest sometimes, but I always mean it. I have realized it is more of a good thing than I recognized at first. A healthy mind promotes success in life.
If you are a good girl who is sweet as pie and still single, may I introduce you to a whole new approach, through this book. You may see why you are still single.
Happy Valentine’s Day!