“A minuscule human in a scale of billions
With a plastered on smile.
Gathering knowledge in her head to fix what she thinks is wrong with herself.
Trying too hard to please others that she know will only hurt her.
She is as fragile as paper, yet as strong as steel.
She is a paradox
Desperately wanting something that she doesn’t think exists.
Hiding herself behind a faceless mask”
– Lauren Wingo
We can read as many self-help articles that we want to. We can post pictures of our so-called wonderful lives on Instagram. We, as women, are supposed to be naturally beautiful, supposed to stand up for what we believe in, create a meaning for our lives based on what society has set up for us. We can’t be too promiscuous because we need to have values yet we can’t be prudes because no one likes a tease. We are either too emotional or we don’t have enough heart. We aim to please. We will ourselves to be happy with who we are. We bury our hearts in something that we love only to find that in a whisper it can fall out from underneath our feet.
We try. And we try. And we try so hard that we fail.
Some of us hurt ourselves, some of us suffer in silence, some of us don’t want to go on. Yet we all have one thing in common: we are mortal. We are human. We are imperfect. Perfection is something that will never be achieved, yet why do we strive for that perfection? It has been instilled on us… it has created a monster within ourselves that blocks any confidence from expanding into our inner being. As our self-esteem withers, so does our hope.
We cope. We try. We fail. We hurt others. Others hurt us. We find ways to blame others for our unhappiness. We cry ourselves to sleep or we draw our anger out on innocents. We drown ourselves in a vice of addiction. We smile through any pain. We paint a mask on our faces to hide how we really feel.
I want to give each person reading this an answer on why it has to be this way, why we live this way. A beautiful life full of opportunities, yet plagued by what we expect ourselves to be. I want to give you that answer, but there isn’t one.
I know not everyone goes through this every day. It doesn’t have to be constant. It can be fleeting, but it can damage you all the same.
Everyone is going through something that is their own personal hell. Everyone is fighting something, no matter how small; it could be everything to them.
I hope, if anything, to encourage you to go through each day knowing that the person next to you is hiding their own personal sufferings, hiding behind her own mask. Please know you are not alone. Look in the mirror and know that you are beautiful. Try to see past those insecurities and realize that each day you get up is another step you take towards your future. Create yourself instead of desperately trying to find yourself.
You may be small in the face of billions of people in this world. That doesn’t mean you aren’t worth it.
Take off your mask. Show your true self. Who you are is beautiful.