When I tell people that I have been with my boyfriend for almost two and a half years, I mostly get shocked expressions and many forms of the question “How do you do it?” Whether you’ve been with someone longer than I have, just getting started in a relationship, or single, there are several misconceptions people have when it comes to dating one person for a long period of time in college. Here are a few to be cleared up:
Myth #1: You have less stress in a long-term relationship
I can tell you that this is an enormous lie. Every couple has their stresses and problems, no matter how long you’ve been together. When real life hits and that person is there by your side, either you sink or swim. It is usually during those times when you know whether or not it’s going to last. In long-term relationships it just comes to a point where you either love the person despite the stress or let them go.
Myth #2: You already know everything about each other
There are only so many times I can ask my boyfriend what his favorite color is before I realize it’s always going to be blue. Yes, you learn a lot about a person by being with them for a while, yet I’ll tell you that I learn something new about him and about our relationship almost every day. When you’re with someone for so long you find out their strengths and weaknesses, their childhood dreams and nightmares. You find out everything on the surface so easily, yet when you’re in any new situation they may say something that they never told you, they may show you how they deal with a disaster, or the fronts they put up to protect themselves. The beautiful thing about being with someone long-term is that you find out who that person truly is instead of what they are trying to be.
Myth #3: You have lovey-dovey feelings for your partner at all times
This one actually is partly true. Unless you fall out of love with someone, the love is usually always there and built upon continuously in a healthy relationship. However, sometimes the stress of the relationship or what goes on around that relationship can cloud a person’s thoughts and cause them to question everything. This doesn’t necessarily mean that there is a problem with the couple, but there are issues that need to be addressed and worked out together. Looking into your loved one’s eyes will always bring about feelings, in a long-term relationship or not- it’s just a bit different. Since you’ve been through so much together, there is more of an understanding and love on a deeper level.
Myth #4: You’re “missing out” on other options
I’ll tell you the short answer- long-term relationships last because they are satisfied with their experiences with the person they love rather than trying to figure out whether or not someone is going to call them after the first date, dealing with someone who’s unemotionally available, or just forcing something that isn’t there. If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it.
Myth #5: A boring routine occurs in a long-term relationship
Yes, there can be a routine; yes you aren’t going to always have insane adventures. But, what you share: that favorite restaurant down the street, your love of Netflix and cuddling on Friday nights, video games, and even just walks outside, make that routine something more of a comfort and a peace that you have with your significant other. Instead of wondering about what to do or who to be around, having that person you love by your side can help you gear up for amazing memories.
Myth #6: You lose the passion you have for that person
Not everyone has butterflies each time they look at the person that they’ve been dating long-term. Most people assume that this is because they have lost that “spark”. I’m here to tell you that the new relationship passion and giddiness is always going to give you a rush, but it will not last no matter how long a relationship lasts. This newfound passion turns into a more solid foundation of love and a sort of peacefulness: the butterflies and warm feelings are still there yet they are replaced with a different form of passion and understanding that is just as beautiful.