A ray of light wakes you up. Your vision is still a little blurry. You realize you are not in your room. Uh-oh.
You have a pounding headache. There is probably make-up all over your face. You realize you have several bruises on your legs from objects that got in your way last night. Your feet are throbbing and you really have to pee. You notice a condom wrapper on the floor. You look next to you.
There he is, passed out cold. You try not to stare, but you need to make sure he is as cute as you remember. You wish you were in your own bed so you can sleep all day.
What now? Do you go back to sleep? Do you wake him up? Do you quietly dip and leave him just as confused when he wakes?
Here is the proper etiquette for the morning after to ensure you don’t embarrass yourself, and create the potential for more than just a one-night stand.
DON’T:
Try to cuddle in the morning
Ask him to breakfast
Ask to borrow a toothbrush
Take a toothbrush out of your purse
Steal his clothes
Steal anything
Hog the covers
Try to wake him up
Clog the toilette
Wait until it becomes 11 a.m. if you have a long walk home
Stop and chat with his roommates
Text him 12 times on your way home
Call him that day
Spend the day stalking his life on Facebook
Tell everyone you know what you just did
Be seen or heard
DO:
Tip-toe out quietly…put your heels back on in another room
Wait to use the bathroom at home
Tell your best friend, and best friend only about your rendezvous
Take a shower
If you borrow something…try to return it, he’ll appreciate it
Wait till he texts you to text him
Act casual next time you see him
Make sure you have all of your belongings
Accept that if you left something there, it is gone forever
Probably go get yourself checked for STDs
Strut home like you’re supposed to be wearing a skirt and heals at 9 a.m.
Still don’t believe me that you should leave without him stirring?
Here is a male’s opinion:
“Half of my sweatpants and hoodies are gone,” said Sam Miller a junior criminology major. “Don’t take them or just give the clothes back, washed and folded; don’t just throw them on our front stoop.”
“I don’t keep your bras, I don’t snag your heals,” Miller continued. “Maybe after a few weeks you can claim any article of clothing you desire.”
Miller offered a few more words of wisdom, “I need my sprawling space when I sleep, so don’t hog the blankets.”
Miller leaves college girls with the most honest and important piece of advice: “Don’t wake me up in the morning unless it involves sexual favors or a bagel.”
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Maryland chapter.