Oh the Marist academic buildings; we’ve all experienced them in the wee hours of the morning into the ungodly hours of the night. We have become accustomed to their smells, their colors and their idiosyncrasies all too well. Much like our friends we meet at college, the buildings almost become some sort of family to us.
Dyson: Dyson is the grandfather that you feel obligated to visit on holidays. He doesn’t always smell great but he is there to offer you the small bit of food that he keeps in the house. You don’t particularly like getting up early to go see him but he reminds you of your younger years and you can’t help but feel nostalgic walking around the halls of his house lined with pictures of you and your cousins from your awkward years.
Donnelly: Donnelly is the drunk uncle that shows up to Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving only. You see him every year but he always feels the need to show you the same card trick over and over again. He dresses to the nines but by the end of his bottle of Yellowtail, he’s wearing cranberry sauce and stuffing all over his knock off Ralph Lauren quarter zip. Donnelly is the last one to leave the party and usually on the floor by the end of the night.
The Library: The James A. Cannavino library is the family friend that comes to Christmas and drunkenly talks about their nipples. They are the ones to see you every six months or so and insist upon how much you’ve grown, even though you probably haven’t gotten any bigger since high school. You don’t love spending time with them but your mom tells you to be nice because they don’t have much family of their own. They also comment on your Facebook pictures constantly about what a lovely young adult you’re becoming.
Lowell Thomas: Lowell Thomas is the aunt with a ton of money that she won in a messy divorce. She has the latest iPhone before it’s even released and dozens of diamond necklaces. Your entire family is jealous of her lifestyle because she doesn’t work but instead teaches yoga part time for fun. She’s in incredible shape and looks at least 15 years younger than she really is. People don’t really like her but they tolerate her because she may have future connections for them.
Fontaine: Fontaine is the artsy cousin who is always quoting Andy Warhol to you. You never know what new phase he is into until you check his Instagram, which is full of existential crap that no one understands. He looks like a legitimate hipster from the outside but on the inside he’s nothing but a product of institutionalized education who will probably end up working for corporate America in the long run despite his fervent defiance to it now.
Hancock: Hancock is your baby cousin that everybody wants to hold. She is adorable but you rarely get a chance to get near her since she is the desire of everyone at the party. There are a million pictures of her and she is clearly the favorite of the family because she isn’t old enough to talk yet. You enjoy the rare moments you get to play with her and make her laugh and she is always on your families’ snap-stories.
The Student Center: The student center is your parents. They are the iconic image of what family looks like to you. They were the ones to feed you, allow you to do activities and gave you a warm place to sleep. You end up spending most of your time with them because there is always something to do. You tend to take advantage of how helpful and accommodating they really are but at the end of the day you know how great you really have it with them.
McCann: McCann is your really fit older brother. He is constantly there to shame you into working out and eating grilled chicken. He brings home hot girl after hot girl and seems to get larger by the minute. Though he motivates you to get off the couch at times you actually hate him for being the better-looking sibling.
Bonus Greystone: Greystone is the fifth cousin that you’ve never actually met. You know they exist through Facebook and from your mom talking about their parents in her youth. They seem like a nice person and you’re positive you would get along swimmingly but you have absolutely no desire to see them beyond creeping on profile pictures.