We live in a competitive, chaotic and often unapologetic world. We’ve all heard people say some ignorant or straight up rude things. Take it from someone who made it through middle school with a last name phonetically pronounced “gay”. The amount of 13 year old boys whose best attempt at my feelings was, “Did you know your name rhymes with very gay?” astounds me to this day. Sick rhyme dude; look who passed kindergarten.
Remember in The Princess Diaries when Joe reminds Mia of Eleanor Roosevelt’s flawless quote, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”? She is still so right and forever invalidates the haters. Side note: I understand that I could have mentioned the Eleanor Roosevelt quote without mentioning The Princess Diaries but I will always reference this cinematic masterpiece when I can because THAT MOVIE IS GREAT.
Interestingly, Eleanor’s quote is consistent with some of the teachings of Stoicism. This ancient Greek school of philosophy emphasizes that it is crucial to worry only about the things you can control. If you can’t control it, it is probably not worth your worry. Think about people who say rude or ignorant things under this lens. You can’t control that they said it, but your response is entirely up to you. So you might as well make the most of it. Have a little fun.
Try this non-specific Stoic burn next time someone tries to get under your skin: (in a voice dripping with sarcasm) “I’m really trying to make it look like I care, is it working at all?” Or, if clap-backs are not your style, take an alternate route to the high road. Sometimes not saying anything really is the best response. Look deeply and disappointedly into this person’s eyes, as if genuinely searching for the person who told them it was acceptable to talk to anyone like that.
In the end, as fun and satisfying as a well-timed comeback can be, it is best to surround yourself with people who you never have to use them on.