I will be the first to admit that long distance relationships are not for the weak of spirit.
I’m in an LDR myself and have been involved with my boyfriend for about a year now. I will admit that our situation is one that most would consider to be on the extreme spectrum as far as distance is concerned; I live in Connecticut, while my boyfriend lives across the pond in Ireland. However, while loving from a distance is far from ideal, it is also far from impossible.
Based on my own experience, here is the best advice I can give to anyone in an LDR – whether the distance is 30 or 3,000 miles!
1. Never leave one another without setting a date to meet again (if you can help it)
I know that each situation is very unique and planning far ahead is not always in the cards, but having a future plan set in stone will help you cope with the time apart immensely. This is especially important if you know it will be at least a few months before you meet again. Simply put, never say goodbye ‘til you know when you’ll say hello.
2. Communicate every chance you get
I know it’s tough to keep in touch, especially when you both have busy lives, but communication is the only glue that can hold an LDR together. My boyfriend and I manage to talk every single day in between classes, work, and hobbies while working around a 5-hour time difference. It takes serious effort, but when talking is all you have, you’d better be doing it – and I mean a lot.
3. Find ways to do things “together” while you’re apart
I’ve heard a few people say watching movies together while Skyping is a good idea, but we find the lag to be too annoying to deal with. Instead, we find cheesy Internet games to play together while Skyping and download multiplayer games for our phones. I’ve found this to be a great way to keep connected throughout the day while both of us are out and full conversations aren’t an option.
4. Write letters – yes, the kind that require a pen and paper
While you’d be silly to ignore all of the glories of online communication, you should still consider the art of letter writing as another way to stay connected. The lack of intimacy in a relationship can become a huge issue where distance is involved. Not being able to do simple intimate things like hold hands, snuggle, have late night chats, etc. can really take a toll on a relationship. Writing letters is an incredibly intimate gesture that allows you to address feelings and thoughts, and that can be treasured for months – even years – after they’re shared. Letters also give you something to look forward to in between the long stretches of seeing one another. I mean, honestly, what’s more romantic and exciting than running to the mailbox and finding a handwritten love letter just for you?
5. Have a long term plan
No matter what the circumstance, if things are truly going to work out long-term, there must come a point in a long distance relationship where someone relocates. Even if it takes a few years of being apart, something’s gotta give eventually. The sooner you set this plan up, the better. I know the one thing that gets me through time away from my boyfriend is the thought that he will be here in September for a yearlong internship and he plans to move to the U.S. permanently. Whenever I’m upset, I remind myself that our situation is only temporary and that he’ll be here for good before I know it.
6. Be a busy bee
Personally, the times when I feel the most saddened by my situation is when I have all the time in the world to sit around and think about it. The busier you are, the less time you have to sit and sulk and the faster the time goes by – trust me! Staying busy with work is great, but it’s also important to do things that make you happy in your spare time. Surrounding yourself with positive, productive activities and people will better you as a person and will also kill time in the best way possible.
7. Set personal goals together
Setting mutual goals is a great way to create a stronger bond between you and your partner, even at a distance. My boyfriend and I gave ourselves two months between the day he booked his ticket and our first time meeting to completely change our eating habits and get back into shape. Not only are these types of goals a positive way to grow together, but they benefit you as an individual, as well!
8. Be honest with your partner and with yourself
While this is true with any relationship, it is especially important when the relationship is long distance. With the amount of effort and time that goes into making an LDR successful, you owe it to yourself and your partner to be completely honest about how invested you are in making things work. Unless both parties are 100 percent committed and are honest enough to address and work through issues, it’s really only a matter of time before the relationship will see its end. However, if you truly feel like the time spent apart is worth it for the time you have together, be very happy, my friend. You’ve got yourself a winner!