Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. The words that our nation was founded and built on. It seems that the desire for happiness constantly motivates our lives. Why do we work? Why do we do the things we do? Most people will answer involuntarily- to be happy or to find happiness.
The constant need to be happy has made our lives fall short. In America, we want to be happy and we often equate this with our assets and financial status. There is no doubt that basic human needs are necessary before we can even begin to tackle happiness, but preaching that being happy is more important than having money usually comes from people who have the privilege to pursue what makes them happy and while being financially stable. We should understand happiness as a luxury and that it speaks to our levels of prosperity more than anything.
We focus on happiness and accept that as our ultimate goal in life, almost as if we were to die happy it would make for a more fulfilling life. In other parts of the world, happiness is not romanticized to the extent as it is in America. Extreme happiness is not an ideal state for everyone but it’s hard for us to acknowledge this when we’re surrounded with messages about being happy and living our lives to maximize our happiness. When we focus on trying to be happy, it often leads to dismissing our feelings that contradict this. The thoughts of anger, sadness, discontent, jealousy are in a constant battle with happiness and seem to be signs of weakness. Historian Darrin McMahon said our obsession about happiness “may be an indication that we’re not actually all that happy.” According to social researcher Hugh Mackay, our fear of sadness has become a western disease. He says,
“It’s a really odd thing that we’re now seeing people saying “write down 3 things that made you happy today before you go to sleep”, and “cheer up” and “happiness is our birthright” and so on. We’re kind of teaching our kids that happiness is the default position – it’s rubbish. Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure; all of those things which make us who we are. Happiness and victory and fulfillment are nice little things that also happen to us, but they don’t teach us much. Everyone says we grow through pain and then as soon as they experience pain they say “Quick! Move on! Cheer up!” I’d like just for a year to have a moratorium on the word “happiness” and to replace it with the word “wholeness.” Ask yourself “is this contributing to my wholeness?” and if you’re having a bad day, it is.”
Countries like Japan actually consider the individual pursuit of happiness to be at odds for the betterment of society because putting your feelings first is seen as selfish. In the Middle East, being happy but not too happy is the ideal way of living due to cultural beliefs of the evil eye. But in America, we value happiness as the best state of being and as the representative of success. Think about a time where you’ve seen someone successful and wondered if they were truly happy with all that success. Now think of a time where you’ve seen someone living a life of happiness and associated them by being successful despite knowing any of their achievements or status. Happiness is success and we strive to be nothing less than successful for making the people around us proud and ourselves proud.
Being more in tune with our entire spectrum of feelings seems to make for a better life. Some psychologists even argue that our preoccupation with happiness could be making us less happy. When we fall short of happiness we feel inadequate and hopeless. In our pursuit of happiness, we fall into the trap of running on a hedonic treadmill which leads people to “chase after pleasures and external recognition that they believe will bring happiness, rather than finding more pleasure in the experiences they’re already having.” Being a part of a consumer culture only elevates the hedonic treadmill because buying things can serve as a temporary happiness that doesn’t involve the actual self but looks outside of it.
Out of this arises the discussion of where to look for happiness. It is an important feeling to understand, not necessarily prioritize, but how do we obtain happiness that is immaterial? Our wants seem insatiable and satisfaction is never quite met, so under these circumstances it seems happiness cannot be sustainable. Researchers have looked at ways to achieve sustainable happiness and they include, “loving relationships, thriving natural and human communities, opportunities for meaningful work, and a few simple practices, like gratitude.” Unfortunately, advertising industries teamed up with psychologists to understand our desires and then redefined our beliefs of happiness.
Indigenous places in South America, the idea of Buen Vivir (the good life) emphasizes the importance of happiness as being a part of vibrant human and natural communities rather than the individual pursuits of happiness. This also changes the way the government views production and consumerism and fosters its efforts on an ethic of stewardship, mindfulness, and knowing how much is enough. The more stuff we buy eventually leads to inevitable exploitation of people and the environment. So while we live our lives consuming to be happy, we are disconnected from the suffering that ensues. We don’t even realize that our quest to find happiness is advertised as inextricable from material goods which has led us to our current climate crisis and policies that promote free-trade and harmful globalization.
We look for happiness too often and in the wrong places. Happiness need not be the ultimate goal of life or the ideal state of living. Limiting our abilities of feeling and expressing our genuine selves prevents us from understanding what it means to be human. When we set happy as the default emotion, people who aren’t happy feel the pressure to do what they can to be a part of the happy movement. If they can’t fulfil it, they end up disappointed and fall victim to and endless pursuit that can be self-destructive. Embracing our emotions as they come up allows us to live in the moment and put together the pieces to make ourselves whole. We learn the most important lessons about life and ourselves through the moments of hardships and trouble. If we understood our pain on a more nuanced level instead of avoiding it by fruitless happiness, our suffering would have worth and meaning, perhaps allowing us to not be plagued by its unresolved reminiscences.