Attention Deficit Disorder. Multitasking is your super power. You want to get one thing done at a time, its your best intention, its just that everything is so interesting, and you simply can’t get to “getting it done.”
No, I’m not talking about the people who “totally need meds to finish this paper by tomorrow morning.” I’m talking about the people, who, like me, have found a hard time focusing through much more than cram studying.
Maybe you are more of the logistic and structured planning type, and while I envy your left-brain driven capabilities, it is awfully frustrating and challenging to engage in a relationship with someone who has been bouncing through life in the completely opposite manner.
While loving someone with ADD can be hard, it is undeniably so incredibly fun, passionate, and truthfully candid. Here’s why:
Adderall= no focus. Medicated= all the focus. It may be hard to be fit under their constantly fluctuating schedule of being completely open to one that is meticulously and carefully tuned, but what’s sexier than someone who can kill it on a project, but can also do four million things at once? The breed somehow manages to be magically capable of passion and drive, despite all of the other millions of things they impulsively dabble in.
We don’t lack discipline… we lack organization. Yes, she will most likely be late when you plan to meet for dinner, but it isn’t that she doesn’t care or doesn’t know how to follow through… and it certainly isn’t done to piss you off. Time-management is something the ADD has been just fine not mastering.
Be open to receive love in different ways. You are not with someone who is capable of, nor wanting to, have long mushy sensitive talks. They may seem unattached and indifferent, but if you are dating someone with ADD, they have picked you out of the crowd to give up a little of their youthful selfishness to be in a committed relationship with you. The way I see it, if you were supposed to talk about your feelings, they’d be called “talkings”.
Even if you are proverbially the center of an ADD person’s world, they aren’t going to miss out on what else is happening. When we do settle down, it isn’t because we are planning to marry you. Nothing is thought out for that long. We like you now, and when we don’t, it’s over. There aren’t expectations of how the relationship “should be”, it is super go with the flow to see if we can do it for the rest of our lives. No, it doesn’t perpetuate the “hook-up culture”; it is just the truth and logistics of how stress-free relationships really should work in life.
Patience is a skill you will learn to better master while dating a girl with ADD. Yes, she will forget what she went to get in the room and lose something she was holding literally seconds ago, but loving someone who can shake life’s frustrations off so easily is admiring.
They can function independently. Space is great for those with ADD, because just as they want to spend time with other people, they want you to spend time with other people too. This can be frustrating for someone who wants to spend a very large chunk of their time with his or her significant other, but a healthy relationship really should be two whole individuals coming together, and not two halves making each other a whole.
They aren’t fancying/able to check in with you 24/7. Warning: if you are one to have trust issues, dating someone with ADD will deeply test them. On more occasion than not, they will get lost in something and be MIA all day. But you’re still on our minds, boo. For those with ADD, a partner who embraces that each person does their own thing will keep the relationship as healthy and happy as possible.
Something small, but heartfelt, beats the $200 dinner every time. Since we have an appreciation for all life has to hold, little things excite us, and being able to deeply please someone with surprise flowers (without having to have them flown in from some foreign country) is rewarding.
They are down for anything. Adventurous (as well as impulsive) is an ADD girl’s middle name. You want to go on the hunt to find the best noodles in Chinatown? Okay game. And if that plan turns into finding the best pizza in all of the west side? Absolutely.
We aren’t indecisive because we’re picky; we are indecisive because we are open to everything. So many things, so little time.
An ADD partner gives you a refreshingly honest relationship. Not only in the sense that someone with ADD typically doesn’t fib –mainly because it is too hard to keep track of lies– but in the sense that they are open and straight with how they feel, when they feel it. Life is too short, and for someone who doesn’t miss the opportunities that are given to them, no BS games will be played with an ADD love-interest.
Active mind, active heart. We are deeply intuitive, and when you ask us why we did something, we do not have an answer that will satisfy you, because we truthfully don’t have a good one. It simply was because we wanted to at that moment.
“Impulsive” and “adventurous” doesn’t mean “slutty”, “wild”, “crazy”, or “irresponsible”. Just like anyone who can function without 30 mg of Adderall, the ADD are still people with a moral compass. While people with ADD could be bouncing around to all five of New York’s boroughs, they are also people who love deeply.
No long term grudges. Just like any other woman: a girl with ADD may get mad for a reason you do not entirely understand. However, the upset doesn’t last, because for someone who doesn’t hold onto much for long, anger is happily let go quickly. No I’m actually over it, can we move onto something else like burritos?
They ignite the enthusiastic youth in you. Yes we will listen to how hard your day was at work, but we won’t be holding your hand for 5 hours while you sing the blues. We would much rather show you how fun being in your 20’s really is.
All the quirks that make someone up should be embraced in a relationship, because they are what makes that person unique, special, and so darn cute. Since plans that are impulsive and not thought out are always the most fun, exciting, and memorable in life, getting into a relationship with someone who can show you a whole world of that is just as fun, exciting, and memorable.