15 Stages of a Jasper Darty


1. Decide to darty

It's a commitment and one that shouldn't be made lightly. 

2. If it's a special darty (Manhatty's Day), make sure you have an ironic T-shirt or Tank.

You need everyone to know that not only that you drink alcoholic beverages but you're also extremely witty and creative. 

3. Start off the day the Jasper Way

Hit up J-Del or New Riv and make sure you get your bacon, egg and cheese...while you're there you might pick up some tall boys... or a 6-pack. 

4. It's morning so you want to start off classy

you're just getting started

5. You're just the right kind of buzzed, time to head on over to the Track House, the Lax House or someone on Greystone who's neighbors hate them.

The whole squad dips, who know's when you'll all be able to coherently and successfully walk together again all day

6. Somone is already probably on the roof 

how did they get that chair up there too?

7. Someone is probably bleeding...but they're still drinking. 

Uhm... are you okay? Is that your bone?!

8. Someone probably jumped on the pong table

But it was for the Snap!

9. Consider going to a bar

I wonder what Fen's looks like in the daylight...There's always Pipers! Does Riv even exist before 2 for $7 at 11pm? 

10. You've lost track of the cups of jungle juice that you've had by now

It didn't taste that strong so you're probably fine.... 

11. Time to power nap 

12. You're ready for round 2

13. Check the fridge, make sure you don't need to re-stock


14. Day drinking isn't a race. 

It's a marathon. 

15. Darty season is upon is, it's short and must celebrated as best you can.