Identity plays a fundamental role in all of our lives. It defines who we are, the way we think about ourselves, the way we are viewed by the world and our purpose in life. However, discovering our identity is not always a straightforward task.
We seemingly create our identities with such ease as children, but, for myself, a number of factors clouded my ability to do so. I was brought up in a predominantly white, middle class area and was relatively privileged, however my Zimbabwean heritage meant I suffered with a clash of ethnic backgrounds.
Throughout my childhood, I would constantly notice that I was the only mixed-race girl amongst my friends. I could count the number of black students at my school on two hands. And, whilst I was lucky enough to suffer little racism, I always felt different. I yearned to be the pale skinned, blonde haired, blue eyed girl I’d see on TV and populating the majority of my school. My sense of identity was in conflict between the person I was and the person I wanted to be.
The uncertainty in my physical identity reflected the conflict in cultures between my African and English heritage. With two extended families with completely contrasting views, I was often unsure of how to act or who I really was; a feeling of confusion that was only heightened because of my gender.
On the side of my Zimbabwean family members, I was often excluded, ignored and alienated for being a woman due to a strong element of patriarchy in the family. This was overwhelmingly different from my English family members, who treated me as an equivalent to my male siblings and cousins. My sense of identity was once again muddled. How am I supposed to act? Who actually am I?
My struggles have continued into my first few weeks at university. While I love the abundance of diversity, I still feel relatively isolated. Alienation from black peers has resulted in me struggling to make friends. I find myself constantly changing my character depending on whether I’m with white or black peers.
The consistent change in the way I present myself will be difficult to quash, especially given the impending reality of job hunting where I’ll have to conform to the societal expectations of adopting my ‘white features’, like wearing my hair straight instead of in Afro curls.
While I embrace being a mixed-race woman and having two different cultures, the strain of dual identities is often too much. I can’t imagine I’m the only one who feels this way. But while it can be difficult, I’m hopeful that things will change, so mixed-race girls can develop their own identities, unaffected by their race or a clash of cultures, and discover who they are.
Want to help? Be a friend. Be inclusive and accepting of those around you. Support and empower your fellow women, regardless of race and celebrate the wonderful diversity in your community.