Losing a loved one is never easy. It is something that everyone dreads to experience. When dealing with grief you go through a lot of emotions. A journalist, Rachael Oakes-Ash, says there are seven stages of grief: shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, depression and loneliness, the upward turn, reconstruction, and acceptance. Some people go through all of them and some do not, and that’s okay. There is no correct way to go about grieving. You have to find what works for you and what helps you overcome the fear of grief.
Lauren’s Experience
I have gone through losing a loved one while being far away from home. I lost a loved one at the beginning of this year when I had only been in the United States for five days. It is safe to say that when you lose a loved one and you’re not at home with your family but on the other side of the world it does not seem real. You think to yourself that they’re still at home because you’re just far away and they will always be there when you go back, but in reality they have gone to the gates of heaven. This is the hardest part for me as I believe I cannot fully grieve their loss.
The Takeaway
I have gone through this process of grieving the loss of my loved one on my own, I did not have any close family near me during this time. I had my friends who were supporting me but all I truly wanted was my family and as they were not here all I wanted was to be alone. I enjoyed the statement, “I love you but leave me alone.” This could be because I could truly show my emotions and express how I felt without the slight chance of feeling judged. My personal takeaway from this experience was that throughout this time I kept on going, I kept on going to class and carrying on with life because I realized everybody else is so consumed by their own life that they have no idea what you’re going through. So you have to keep going and not give in otherwise you could end up in a hole that you can’t get out of.
Jackie’s Experience
I have also gone through many times of grief. For me, the hardest part about it is trying to accept that a person who is a part of your family is not there anymore. How this person will not be there when you graduate school, get married, and have kids of your own. It is something very hard to come to terms with. I struggled a lot with thinking about things I should have done. Maybe I should have called more, visited more, and overall just communicated more with my loved ones. During this time I did have my family and friends to lean on but I still felt just so alone. I felt tired, depressed, and just not myself. I didn’t want to open up to anyone and talk about it because I didn’t want to feel like I was burdening other people with my problems. So I just stayed quiet, did what I had to, and then went home.
The Takeaway
I have learned that it is okay to be sad and to allow yourself time to grieve. Losing a loved one is not just something you can get over quickly. It takes time and reflection. Something that has helped me was looking through pictures of my loved ones. Asking my family to talk about them and bring up memories and stories, some that I didn’t even know about. This was a way for me to feel like they were still here with me and to keep their memory alive.
Seeking Help
If you do find that you are struggling after you have lost a loved one there are many things that can help you. Never feel ashamed to ask for help, it is okay to go to a therapist, try doing a meditation, or writing your feelings down. Like we have said there is no correct way to go about grieving, so try whatever it takes to get your mind in a good space and so long as it helps you to keep moving forward and not backwards. One thing we can recommend is listening to Dr. Kendal Maxwell’s 21 Day Positive Mindfulness Meditation Challenge podcast which can be found on the Apple Podcasts App. These are short podcasts that help ease your mind.
It is clear that many people grieve in different ways. Like we have said, you have to find what works for you in order for you to be yourself again after losing someone you love. Just remember to take the time that you need to grieve. It’s okay!